Opinion

November 30, 2001

We Can Learn About Terrorism From the Israelis

By Jarad Bernstein

Just as America is hunting down bin Laden and the al-Qaeda network, Israel is hunting down terrorist members of Hamas, Islamic Jihad, Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine, Hezbollah and others.

November 29, 2001

In Memory: El Canario (1988 – 2001)

By Staff

The weatherbike was stolen last week. It was parked, whistling cheerfully at passerby in its bright, yellow fashion. The weatherbike was always cheerful, even when it lost its handlebars and the brakes failed and the sea...

November 29, 2001

SAT Success Is Best Left to the Boot Straps

By Danny MacLeith

I find it extremely hard to believe that just because a test-taker comes from a low-income neighborhood or family, answering questions about high school mathematics is so much more difficult for them than it is for any o...

November 29, 2001

A Living Wage for the Upper-Middle Class

By Brendan Buhler

It's possible to get the Santa Barbara City Council to care about the cost of living for city employees, but only if said employees are making about $190,000 per year.

November 29, 2001

One Nation, Under God, Uncoerced …

By Richard Flacks

Gail Marshall's request that her advisory commission itself decide whether to make the Pledge was squarely in line with that Court ruling and with longstanding American distaste for coerced patriotism.

November 28, 2001

Weather: We’re The Golden Children Turning Bronze

By Staff

The Hometown WeatherQuintilogy: #3 Santa Barbara is too expensive for people with actual problems. Ridiculous local apartment rents equal a house mortgage in any rural shithole, so you can’t afford a severe psychos...

November 28, 2001

Rughe Elephant

By Staff

The Lompoc Economic Development Committee member is in trouble for sending letters to south coast newspapers, stating that "Muslims are out to destroy our world."

November 28, 2001

Please, Please, Please Gimme Some o’ Dat Plover Lovin’, Baby

By David Downs

Beach coitus interrupted by a Frisbee to the dome is harsh for any species, but the snowy plovers, whose breeding problems have closed Sands Beach, will get no sympathy from me.

November 28, 2001

Something for Which To Give Thanks

By Leila Drake

Thanksgiving meant something very different to me this year than it has before. I was the victim of the first reported sexual assault this year, on Sept. 23, but this incident has had a very different effect on me than I...

November 27, 2001

There’s Something Fishy About Rigs to Reef

By Eric Simons

California's been trying to decide whether to allow oil companies to convert their used oil platforms to artificial reefs for several years, and in the latest development, the governor vetoed a bill with the explanation ...

November 27, 2001

Drugs, Babies and Marriage

By Staff

Going home is always heavy. Friends and family can really jack up their lives while you’re away. I’ve found the majority of the hometown heaviness involves just three things: Drugs, babies or marriage. Someti...

November 27, 2001

Living Without Vowels: New Law Is a Smoke Screen for Stupidity

By Steven Ruszczycky

The board of supervisors just handed Santa Barbara County residents a 20-foot length of hose and told them to go blow smoke up their butts.

November 27, 2001

We Can’t Afford High Rents for Grad Students

By Edward Collins

Higher rental fees incurred by graduate and undergraduate students slow their academic progress and discourage them from applying to UCSB.

November 26, 2001

Jesus Mutants!

By Staff

My home town is full of mutant people! Obese mutants! Acned mutants! Jesus mutants! Mutated Mutants! Witness to such perverse genetic disaster require months of trauma counseling among Santa Barbara’s tanned and to...

November 26, 2001

Red Tape: We’ve All Got Tickets for the Attack of the Clones

By Josh Braun

U.S. politicians have generally agreed, to the point of grandstanding at times, that cloning a human would be an unconscionable and unethical act. They just never got around to outlawing it.

November 26, 2001

Sands Beach Closure Leaves Room for Plovers and People

By Darlene Chirman

A rope-and-post fence will delineate a 1,300-foot long area, to direct people around the roost on the wet sand. This will protect 90 percent of the roost area. The majority of the beach is still available for recreationa...