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Why, I Think He’s Kerrific!

Lately there have been many attempts to paint presidential hopeful Sen. John Kerry as an unpatriotic, unprincipled nominee. Republicans and his Democratic opponents suggest that Kerry changes his mind...
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All Fridays Are Good

I've been hearing a lot about the new movie, "The Passion of the Christ." I was wondering, though: Why "the" Christ? I guess there could be confusion if they left "the" out.
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Invest in California’s Education – Vote for Proposition 55

A key issue on the March 2 ballot is Proposition 55, a bond measure that would provide funding for education facilities throughout California. Prop 55 would ease overcrowding in schools and make overd...
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Firestone Is a Gift to the 3rd District and Humanity

It's election time, and once again I am promoting that we get out and vote. Most of my family members own businesses, so ambition is very much a part of me. I remember the first business course I had ...
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Brooks’ Dirty Campaign Has Booze on Its Breath

Thanks to the Santa Barbara News-Press and other media, everyone knows that drinking is a serious problem in Isla Vista. So, I was very disturbed to learn that Brooks Firestone, a candidate for 3rd Di...
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Mean John Buttny Could Care Less About Isla Vista

I was irritated by how John Buttny made a big deal of Brooks Firestone's taking contributions from some Isla Vista housing providers. By making an issue of this, he is saying these people have no righ...
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John Buttny Has Worked Hard for His Beloved I.V.

Isla Vistans have a lot at stake in this election: how landlords treat you, how safe the streets are, how much our environment is protected from oil development and much more. So I'm offering a clear ...
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Don’t Let UCSB Squash Soccer in Storke Field

Over the last five years, you have all probably grown accustomed to the sight of soccer mania on Storke Field every Saturday during Fall Quarter.
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Drowned Worm Hot Line

Shame on you who so casually step over your fallen squirmy comrades. It's these pink, earthbound S, I and J shapes that make life worth living. They aerate our ground, bait our fishhooks and frighten ...
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The Artful Dodger: An Ugly Presidential Race

Will America elect an ugly president? I know it sounds like a silly question. A scan over a gallery of our nation's past leaders will reveal a host of presidents whom the American public clearly did n...
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High and Dry

John Kerry's wife was supposed to speak on campus yesterday, but she didn't. In the afternoon her press people said the appearance was cancelled because of inclement weather.
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Bikes Don’t Belong on Sidewalks

I've gotten several letters and phone calls from people who have asked me to talk about biking on the sidewalks. It's not that I forgot you all - well, OK, I forgot! Jeez, call a cop or something. Ove...
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Third District Supernova

A couple random thoughts on the 3rd district supervisor election: Why all this hub-bub about a county split? In my mind, it's already happened.
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Keep Sex Out of the Family

When it comes to anything sexual, the physical rewards are well worth going out and seeking a partner for some naughty nighttime nookie. But we all know that getting everything we want, especially if ...
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Nader Knows That a Sucker’s Born Every Minute

Ralph, you poor, desperate man. I can't say that I'll ever understand you. Your intentions, however, I worry about. Mr. Nader states that this latest run for the presidency is a result of a "bankrupt ...
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