Opinion
On Monday, I accidentally showed up around thirty minutes early to my 12:30 p.m. history class. The time was just short enough to force me to stay in Phelps Hall, but not long enough to do anything. S...
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To those who believe that all Muslims are terrorists, all blacks are criminals and gay people don’t belong in civilized society, I’ve got one thing to say to you: I get it. You’re a bunch of sel...
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“Not screaming euphoric hallelujahs during intercourse, ladies? Here are tips for a thirst-quenching, tsunami wave-surging orgasm—guaranteed.” It wasn’t written like this, but that’s what th...
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Red cups. Abs everywhere. Pulsing music. Nothing but sunny skies dotted with the occasional water balloon. This year’s Deltopia was no exception to the celebration’s repertoire. We all partook, Ne...
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Question: Do atheists celebrate religious holidays? The answer is simple: There is no reason not to. Even if I don’t believe in the event being celebrated, many of my family members still bel...
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I was sitting around the other day thinking about random things. What would it taste like to spread a butterfly on toast? With all of the bobcats in the Los Padres Forest, wouldn’t it get confusing ...
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The calendar is too cluttered with special occasions. If you cast a wide enough net, we’re always close to a holiday or something else noteworthy. I have 19 first cousins, and they all have birthday...
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Gauchos for Israel is a bipartisan group of student activists and campus leaders educated to be confident advocates for Israel on our UCSB campus. It is a pro US-Israel relations group that aims to pr...
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The three tiers of education in California have acted independently of one another since their very creation. Every CC, CSU, and UC has had their own slate of issues laid down and divided by th...
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Faggot isn’t what your mother might call a “dinner table word.” For most social purposes, it’s been restricted to the metaphorical basement. You wouldn’t, for instance, use it to address a p...
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Faggot isn’t what your mother might call a “dinner table word.” For most social purposes, it’s been restricted to the metaphorical basement. You wouldn’t, for instance, use it to address a p...
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To begin, I like porn. I watch porn. As your dedicated Humptress, it is my duty to divulge this to you. You may now sigh in relief. You are now either more holy than I and abstain or one of my brethre...
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When I arrived in our nation’s capital for my time at UCDC this week, I had the opportunity to witness and photograph protesters outside the Supreme Court rallying in support of overturning the Defe...
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It simply goes without saying that in a liberal democracy, two individuals of the opposite sex have a political right to marry one another before the state. The conversation on “marriage equality”...
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Everything shower every day
Has an extensive tote bag collection but never brings one to Trader Joe’s
Reusing condoms
Collecting tears to water their plants
Asking to shower together to “save water”
Air conditioning and electric blanket running simultaneously
Has gone from Temu to SHEIN for bikini purchases
Fracking
On their 10th flight out of Santa Barbara Airport this month
Owns seven Stanley cups
Wrote their environmental ethics essay with ChatGPT
Vegan contributing to Big Almond
