News

April 1, 2008

Octopus Reaps Praise for Student Death

By Duran Iran Staff Writer

A Marine Science Institute octopus with a history of daring escapes pulled off its most impressive caper yet yesterday, trapping, murdering and consuming UCSB first-year Evan Miller.

April 1, 2008

UCSB Invests in Massive, Planet-Killing Laser

By Wicket Wystri Warrick Staff Writer

Nearly two months after an antiwar protest resulted in the relocation of a conference on campus, UCSB's Institute for Collaborative Biotechnologies proposed a new addition to the university's Long Range Development Plan ...

April 1, 2008

Oil Exec Refuses to Accept Blame in Juice Incident

By Travis Bartlow Staff Writer

Adding to an ever-lengthening list of spills and alleged infractions, Greka Oil & Gas company president Andre Derramar spilled 15 ounces of grape juice onto his shirt yesterday - an act he claimed was the result of sabot...

April 1, 2008

Dorm Profanity Colors I.V. Elementary

By Goliath Cruz Staff Writer

In a side effect unforeseen by UCSB administrators, the renaming of freshman dormitory Santa Catalina on El Colegio Road has bolstered the vocabularies of schoolchildren across the street at Isla Vista Elementary, adding...

April 1, 2008

Juicy Scandal Reaches Engineers

By Travis Bartlow Staff Writer

Johnny Nguyen, president of the Coalition of Engineering Students, does not want you to read this.

April 1, 2008

I.V. Vomits MTV Reality on Viewers Everywhere

By Holly Trampoline

Hoping to capitalize off of the success of shows like "Laguna Beach" and "Newport Harbor," MTV has announced its newest program in its line of beach-town-themed reality series: "Isla Vista Beach."

April 1, 2008

Owners’ Loving, Tender Touch Arouses iPhones

By Guy Sandals Staff Writer

In an astonishing breakthrough, iPhones everywhere are becoming aware of their own existence and are asking to be touched.

April 1, 2008

A.S. Borrows Funds From Future Self

By Mack Weiner Staff Writer

Keeping the future in mind, the Associated Students Finance Board decided to fully fund all 37 campus groups present at its meeting last night by withdrawing funds from a budget it predicted it would have in Winter Quart...

April 1, 2008

LOLCATz… RawRRR

By Staff

made u a cookie," Fluffy said. "But I eated it."

April 1, 2008

Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto

By Staff

This photo appeared as part of the Nexus’ April Fools’ edition.

March 31, 2008

Court Increases Bail in Response to E-mail Threat

By Staff

After reading the allegedly threatening e-mail sent to a campus professor last month, one local judge has increased the bail of a former UCSB student by $230,000.

March 31, 2008

Frimpong Faces Six-Year Prison Sentence

By Travis Miller

Convicted rapist and former UCSB soccer player Eric Frimpong was sentenced to six years in a state penitentiary on March 10, drawing scores of Frimpong's supporters and local media to the hearing.

March 31, 2008

Yudof to Take Over as UC President Following Five Years of Dynes’ Leadership

By Staff

The University of California Board of Regents unanimously voted to appoint Mark G. Yudof as the next UC President on March 27.

March 31, 2008

Campus Pathways Concern Disabled

By Nadia Ismail

A new UCSB study shows that only a third of disabled students find the on-campus walkways and bike path crossings safe, and over 70 percent believe that across-campus transportation is inadequate.

March 31, 2008

Flashdance

By Staff

The UCSB women’s basketball team gathers around the Big West Tournament trophy after the Gauchos defeated UC Davis 74-59 in the championship game on March 15 in Anaheim. After winning the program’s 12th Big W...

March 31, 2008

News Briefs from the 805

By Staff

Teen Dies of Rabies in Santa Maria Emergency Room A 16 year old died from exposure to the rabies virus in Santa Maria on March 18, marking the first known case of human rabies in Santa Barbara County since 1927, accordin...