Multimedia

Starbucks Runs Out of Non-Dairy Milk, Chaos Ensues

Tragedy struck Isla Vista last week, administering a blow to the student population right in the heart of their most coveted and vital survival tool: coffee.
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Campus Crisis: Storke Tower Goes Flaccid

Eyewitnesses have reported that Storke Tower, the proud phallic symbol of UC Santa Barbara, has – devastatingly – gone flaccid. The 175-foot-tall tower, which was first erected in front of the Uni...
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Student Curbs Coke Addiction, Crediting Rush He Gets from Submitting an Assignment 30 Seconds Before Deadline

Clint used to be the guy that slipped off to the bathroom every 30 minutes or so. Clint’s parents kept asking him where all his money went and why he needed to pick up extra shifts at Albertsons. Cl...
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Student Health Now Fully Staffed by Plague Doctors

In an effort to save money at the direct and immediate expense of student wellbeing, Student Health Services is pleased to announce that they have replaced all physicians and trained medical professio...
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UCSB Establishes Bike School for Student Bikers Prone to Accidents

An influx of horrific bike accidents (in which many took to Free & For Sale to voice their grievances and describe the gory details of their injuries) has prompted local UCPD to implement the W.E.A.K....
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Sorority Girls Exclusively Comment “Mom and Dad” on Pictures of Unstable Relationships Only

We all know that one couple that’s consistently off and on. The guy frequently likes other girls’ pictures on Instagram and the girl keeps getting fucking pissed.
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Chad Simpleton’s Isla Vista Restaurants Review

Food, we all need it. Restaurants, we’ve all been to them. IV, definitely has ‘em. This cesspool of debauchery and dank memes is full of the best fucking foods to cure everything from a hangover t...
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In Photos | AFSCME & UTPE Hold One-Day Strike

The unions have been negotiating new contracts with the UC since 2017.
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In Photos | MSA Hosts Vigil in Solidarity With Muslims of New Zealand

Over 200 people were in attendance.
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In Photos | 11 Minutes For 11 Years: Youth Climate Strike Takes Over Arbor

The 11 a.m. strike lasted just over 30 minutes.
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VIDEO: Random Acts of Kindness 2019

The Daily Nexus teamed up with Woodstocks Pizza to celebrate this year’s Random Act of Kindness month and give back to the students.
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Breaking: Literally Nobody Tried To Bribe Their Way Into UCSB

In a shocking scandal, it was revealed that the United States Department of Justice has charged 50 people in six states for paying bribes for entry into elite universities. These bribes helped otherwi...
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Local Student Says ‘No Thank You’ to Finals

Finals are almost here, and with them come yerba binges, restless nights and quiet sobs in the library. This year, though, local UCSB students seem to have put a stop to this quarterly tradition.
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Student Asleep in Egg Chair Since 1992 Finally Wakes Up

Dazed and confused but thoroughly reseted, that same girl you’ve seen perpetually slumped in one of Davidson Library’s egg chairs every single day since freshman year has finally woken up.
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Girl Who Reposts All Her Birthday Wishes To Instagram Story Edges out Ted Cruz and Fyre Festival Guy for Worst Person in the World

In an international poll with hundreds of millions of participants, Girl Who Reposts All Her Birthday Wishes To Instagram Story has narrowly been declared the worst person in the entire world. The rac...
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