Nexustentialism
It's satire, stupid.
As a white man with no morals strong enough to form real political views, I was unsure of who to vote for in the upcoming election. Trump’s attempted overthrow of our country wasn’t quite enough t...
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In an effort to show prospective students the real and unfiltered experience of a student on UC Santa Barbara’s campus, the Office of Admissions announced today that all upcoming and future tours of...
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Habit Burger & Grill in Isla Vista, California, has taken to fucking up orders.
“I ordered a strawberry milkshake,” Heskel Norwood, a UC Santa Barbara student who went to the Habit last Tuesday, ...
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“Hey! Yeah, you! You look pretty tired, do you maybe want to take a seat?”
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UC Santa Barbara has a wide-reaching online presence, able to churn out short “comedic” videos that remind people we have a library. It also reminds the student population that our faculty in char...
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The Republican Party has come under increasing scrutiny for their betrayal of traditional conservative values, and many lifelong Republicans swear to vote blue in November. In response, the Republican...
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In honor of Hispanic Heritage month, UC Santa Barbara has announced that they will pick a new mascot to replace the Gaucho — one that offends a different minority.
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Welcome back, Gauchos! As hordes of students return to their beloved party by the sea, Isla Vista is beginning to fill with the familiar ring of people screaming outside at 2 in the morning. Upon retu...
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The five music students at UC Santa Barbara and a couple other socially anxious students are devastated after the Music Library officially shut their doors this past Friday. However, pretty much every...
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“It’s not the same without him,” said Donald “Joker” Trump, following the loss of his rival, Joe Batman.
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It was a classic spring quarter Sunday: I woke up in a random bed on ‘66 block with nothing but my socks, a raging migraine, and a “man”. Our collective stench was comprised of Marlboro Reds, B....
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For any Gaucho, running the gauntlet that is the Arbor walkway is an arduous, unavoidable and annoying-as-fuck task. While every day at the Arbor feels like it offers a new crop of tablers there to ma...
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Don’t be shy! Asking questions is an important part of the academic process — and a great way to assert yourself over your weak-minded peers! However, not all questions are created equal, so here ...
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Let’s set the scene: the smell of newly illegal substances in the air, a smooth bass groove playing in the background and discussion of women’s liberation abound as men with huge afros and unbutto...
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“AND THEN, HE ASKED, ‘CAN I CUM IN YOU?’”
It was the question heard around Cajé on an unsuspecting Sunday afternoon. In an effort to lock in, I had my laptop open only to the New York Time...
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Chronically single
“Casual” by Chappell Roan
“Atmosphere” by FISHER
The entire shared playlist with their ex
“Je te laisserai des mots” by Patrick Watson
“If Only” by The Marías
Their ex’s old voice memos
White noise
“ceilings” by Lizzy McAlpine
“Marvins Room” by Drake
“KLOusFRENS” by Bad Bunny
“Somebody Else” by The 1975
