Best way to skip lecture

May 29, 2025 by

By this time of the year, all you degenerates have already skipped at least one or two lectures. And if you say you haven’t, then you’re a liar and a degenerate. Skipping a lecture is an art form,...
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The wild side of UCSB emerges from under the cloud cover

May 15, 2025 by

Under the hot sun, a pack of creatures gathers in the distance. Creeping through bushes littered with discarded red Solo cups and plastic bags, we get a closer look at these specimens. Here on the Ana...
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Santa Rosa demolition halted as rat population protests

May 8, 2025 by

In the wake of Santa Rosa Residence Hall’s projected demolition in the 2026-27 school year, UC Santa Barbara’s rat population has protested their loss of housing. These rats have established histo...
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Bingo! Your next professor may be a lottery hire

April 17, 2025 by

University of California, Santa Barbara? More like California Lottery, Santa Barbara. Following the introduction of a lottery selection process for its Honors Program, Resident Advisor hires, on-campu...
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Welcome to the library: the quiet floor was made for other people

March 6, 2025 by

It is common knowledge that the top three floors of UC Santa Barbara’s Library, numbering floors six through eight, are the quiet floors, where speaking or making any sort of noise above slightly ag...
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The power of love: he came for my identity, he left with my heart

February 13, 2025 by

Love entered my life when I received that text from that unknown number. “Hey Chris, it’s Jared. Just got a new number.” I giggled. Silly Jared, I’m not Chris. I replied to the message, tellin...
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Campbell Hall Plague spreads

February 6, 2025 by

Hot take: college is like preschool. College students must painfully relearn how to make friends and share their things. And, college students’ immune systems seem to have a major regression, becomi...
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UCSB unveils new 10-year academic plan

January 23, 2025 by

After wasting their first quarter at UC Santa Barbara taking Online Walking, many students are realizing that major requirement classes are hard to come by. To combat this widespread problem and the o...
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Trumpkin Spice Lattes prove the winner

November 14, 2024 by

Ladies and gentleman, the poll data is in. Young college students, some of them UC Santa Barbara’s very own, contributed to Donald Trump’s reelection. The reason: Trumpkin Spice Lattes. Yes, you h...
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UCSB Environmental Health & Safety says ‘IDGAF’

November 7, 2024 by

UC Santa Barbara’s Environmental Health & Safety has made headlines this week following a loud explosion reported in the building, halting business (which many didn’t even know was happening). As ...
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Hallway fashion show: dignity out, towel wraps in!

November 7, 2024 by

Some say college is a sexual awakening, a time where the youth can shed the confines of their parents’ disapproval and emerge into their young adulthood as the hot, slinky things they were born to b...
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Halloweener: My spooky visitation to the men’s restroom

October 31, 2024 by

Upon reflection, I should’ve known — I should’ve known that the flickering lights in the hallway were a bad omen, the sounds of a ping pong game akin to a funeral dirge and the smiles of passers...
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