Student files report of “haunting”

Orson Dumbee, a first-year undeclared student at UC Santa Barbara, thought hauntings only happened in movies. He isn’t a fan of the horror genre because it’s “too creepy” and he doesn’t like it when his skin “gets all bumpy” and he gets a strange feeling in his “tummy.” But, this past month, Dumbee has noticed something strange happening to him: he is being haunted. 

It began when Dumbee went out to party for the first time in Isla Vista on Oct. 16. Dumbee, who wouldn’t describe himself as the “most lit guy ever,” felt like he needed to experience the UCSB Halloween party scene at least once. He dressed up as his favorite Minecraft character and hit the town with his friends around 8 p.m., making sure to bring their pepper spray just in case things got a little crazy. 

Dumbee felt something “sinister” as soon as he walked under Pardall Tunnel into Isla Vista. 

“The streets felt strangely deserted and the only people who were walking around were hiding in really large sweatshirts so we couldn’t see their faces,” Dumbee recalled. 

Dumbee and his friends decided to walk to Del Playa Drive (DP) to try their luck getting into a party. 

“We had drunk a LOT of kombucha, which is actually known to have a little alcohol. I remember this distinctly because my stomach was hurting a lot, especially when things started getting scarier,” Dumbee told the Nexus. 

Dumbee later tried to retract this quote over fears his RA would find out he was seeking “intoxication” through illegal means. 

Unsurprisingly, Dumbee and his squad — a motley crew of a pirate, Nintendo Switch controller and another Minecraft character— were unable to gain entry anywhere. It is unclear at this time whether that was because it was simply too early, or because they weren’t cool enough to make it in. 

Dumbee and his friends apparently wandered around I.V. trying to look like they were having a good time, but they were losing hope that UCSB was the party school they thought it was. 

Around 10 p.m., though, is when Dumbee said his whole life changed for the worst. “I first saw this girl when we were walking past San Rafael. She was blonde, wearing all black and had some sort of animal ears on. She looked like a cat, and it’s a well-known fact that I really hate cats because I was scratched by one when I was little,” Dumbee said. 

Dumbee didn’t think much of the sighting, until he remembered that he had seen the girl by Freebirds, again on D.P., and now she was at San Rafael. That’s when Dumbee realized he couldn’t escape this girl. 

“She was everywhere I was,” Dumbee remembered. “She tried to get tricky and walk with a new group of people each time I saw her, probably to make me less suspicious and think she was someone else, but it was her for sure. Every time I looked over my shoulder I saw this blonde girl dressed as a cat — it felt like an evil omen.” 

Dumbee said that he made his friends go back to the dorms because he was so fearful, but he forgot about the incident after the weekend ended. 

Despite their less-than-fun time, Dumbee and his friends decided to go out again, this time on Oct. 24, which was feted to be “the best time ever.” Dumbee and his friends decided to dress up as their favorite manga characters, and they even managed to find actual alcoholic kombucha, which was a game-changer. 

However, before the squad had even reached I.V., Dumbee claims he saw the same girl. 

“She was blonde, wearing a cat costume! She walked right past me, and I swear to god she hissed at me too!” 

Dumbee walked straight to the police station in I.V. to file a report of “haunting.” He was asked repeatedly if he meant “stalking” but he insisted he was being haunted. 

“It’s like that evil cat from my childhood is trying to have a last laugh,” Dumbee said. 

The Daily Nexus was informed no report was actually filed, for a lack of sufficient evidence and the suspicion that the filer was intoxicated. 

“I don’t feel safe anymore. All I see is this blonde girl now, she is just walking around everywhere,” Dumbee said. “She’s not in costume but I know it’s the same girl. Just following me. I’m scared!”

Serrano Ham is also scared of blonde girls.