Eric Simons

June 6, 2002

Everyone’s Favorite Chum

By Eric Simons

Great white shark biologists have a difficult time tracking down great white sharks. The gist of the thing is that great white sharks are rare creatures that inhabit a very, very large ocean.

May 20, 2002

I Think Writer Jane Austen …

By Eric Simons

As such a dedicated Jane Austin fan, I feel content in wondering: "Why didn't this woman's husband feed her to sharks two centuries ago?"

April 8, 2002

Student Accused of Assault With Syringe

By Eric Simons

A UC San Diego student was arrested Saturday morning, and accused of stabbing women with a syringe and injecting them with a tranquilizer in three separate attacks, including two in Santa Barbara.

April 1, 2002

Gaucho Locos congradulate selves

By Eric Simons

The Gaucho Locos held a pizza party Saturday night to celebrate the most successful year in its three-year history, which saw the group go to both the Big West Tournament and the NCAA basketball tournament.

April 1, 2002

Now we’re treating you with respect, you worthless morons

By Eric Simons

We hold our readers in high regard here at the News-Suppress.

April 1, 2002

College Republican American Hero Lecture: Saten, Hitler, Simon

By Eric Simons

The UCSB College Republicans announced a lineup for the fall, 2002 "American Heroes" lecture series that includes several well-known conservatives as well as unknown conservative Bill Simon, Jr., the Republican candidate...

March 8, 2002

What UCSB Really Needs Is a Flying, Administrator-Eating Great White Shark Named ‘Peaches’

By Eric Simons

Chancellor Henry Yang was walking from his office in Cheadle Hall to the University Center today when, in a move that experts said could damage his close relationship with students, he was eaten.

February 28, 2002

2 Speakers To Lecture in Forum on Religion

By Eric Simons

Ralph Reed, the former executive director of the Christian Coalition, and Barry Lynn, the executive director of Americans United for Separation of Church and State, will speak tonight in Campbell Hall.

February 25, 2002

Worming Their Way From the Deep

By Eric Simons

The animal is a native of one of the most inhospitable environments on the planet - deep-sea ocean vents, where there's about 4,000 pounds of pressure and the water is a chilly 2 degrees Celsius.

February 5, 2002

SPF Approves $7,000 Grant to Close Trail

By Eric Simons

The Shoreline Preservation Fund approved a $7,000 grant Monday night for the Coal Oil Point Reserve to hire workers to close off a path leading from the parking lots to the mouth of the slough at Sands Beach.

January 30, 2002

County Presents Ellwood Coast Development Plan

By Eric Simons

The proposal would shift a 131-unit housing development, planned by Santa Barbara Development Partnership, further north to the county-owned Santa Barbara Shores Park next to Sandpiper Golf Course and away from the Ellwo...

January 25, 2002

UC Berkeley Chancellor Diagnosed with Cancer

By Eric Simons

UC Berkeley Chancellor Robert Berdahl announced Wednesday that he has prostate cancer and will miss three weeks while he recovers from surgery.

January 8, 2002

Male Student Dies in San Nicolas Hall

By Eric Simons

Campus police responded to a 911 call from the residence hall at 9:42 a.m. and discovered Leo Lydon unconscious and unresponsive, a UCPD statement said. Paramedics pronounced him dead on the scene.

November 27, 2001

There’s Something Fishy About Rigs to Reef

By Eric Simons

California's been trying to decide whether to allow oil companies to convert their used oil platforms to artificial reefs for several years, and in the latest development, the governor vetoed a bill with the explanation ...

November 16, 2001

CCC Considers Sands Beach Closure

By Eric Simons

The California Coastal Commission will consider permanently closing a large portion of Sands Beach to protect endangered snowy plovers at its meeting Friday in Los Angeles.

October 4, 2001

Judge Reschedules Arraignment of Isla Vista Assault Case Suspects

By Eric Simons

A grand jury charged the defendants two weeks ago with various felony counts of kidnapping, administering an intoxicating agent and battery with serious bodily injury, and misdemeanor counts of sexual battery and battery...