David Downs

February 7, 2002

Damien Jurado | I Break Chairs | Sub Pop

By David Downs

A little country, a little rock 'n' roll, I Break Chairs is a solid collection of guitar-driven northeastern angst.

November 30, 2001

Taking That Last, Frightening Step Off the Edge Into Oblivion

By David Downs

I weigh these thoughts heavily, stand up on wobbly legs, and feel the wind against my back. On the horizon, the Channel Islands bathe in fog and I muster my strength.

November 29, 2001

Disquiet on the Western Front

By David Downs

"Here is New York" - the Santa Monica exhibition of over 300 photos thematically centered on the events of Sept. 11 - is drawing so well that gallery organizers want to push the early Dec. 8 closing date back to mid-Janu...

November 28, 2001

Please, Please, Please Gimme Some o’ Dat Plover Lovin’, Baby

By David Downs

Beach coitus interrupted by a Frisbee to the dome is harsh for any species, but the snowy plovers, whose breeding problems have closed Sands Beach, will get no sympathy from me.

November 21, 2001

There’s No Beating Around the Nuclear Secrets, Bush

By David Downs

Let us all give thanks this week. We don't live in a nuke-worthy city, we're not on any government dissident lists, we will remain blissfully ignorant of how jacked up the world is becoming.

November 14, 2001

The Lown Down: Audit This, California: UC Education System Reeks of Pus

By David Downs

The Fall Quarter "No Duh!" Award - in the category of "It's About Fucking Time" - goes to State Assemblymember Jenny Oropeza for her brilliant public realization that the UC system is a throbbing, hairy, sucking, 70-poun...

November 7, 2001

I Imagine Turning Parasitic Slugs Loose on Their Bureaucratic Equivalents

By David Downs

The bucket of slimy, hungry leeches I dumped on President Healton's duct-taped lap is stinking up her ritzy Washington D.C. office.

October 31, 2001

Rolling on No Wheels

By David Downs

"I wish they'd kill him just for that - Oodaba bin Boobee, or whatever his name is." - my Christian mother, referring to bad business after the terrorist attacks.

October 24, 2001

We Can (and Should) Dance if We Want To

By David Downs

Since I'm a tall, lanky fucker, I keep my booty-shakin' subtle. Tall, lanky people look like morons when they flap their limbs around the dance floor.

October 17, 2001

I’m Paying You to Goof Off So I Can Goof Off

By David Downs

The six guys in orange vests trying to unclog a Del Playa storm drain today are perfect fractals of all bureaucracy. Five of them supervise. One of them works.

October 11, 2001

The Strokes | Is This It? | RCA Records

By David Downs

I am a frugal reviewer and I would never endorse a $15 CD with less than four really good songs. The Strokes' Is This It? has seven, and after one listen I skateboarded home humming the guitar hooks I remembered.

October 10, 2001

Sidewalk Writing Stinks – Chalk It Up to Stupidity

By David Downs

Civil Rights are evaporating fast and I'm tempted to agree with an unconstitutional amendment. Campus would be much less annoying if we flogged every half-assed activist chalking dumb sidewalk slogans.

October 3, 2001

When the Bullshit Hits the Fan, All You Can Do Is Duck

By David Downs

"These classes are going nowhere. We're all just learning to work our jaws. How many of us can blow off the reading, come to class, read a paragraph and weigh in on a subject? My guess is most. We're just good bullshitte...

October 3, 2001

Inspector Urges Tenants to Report Poor Housing

By David Downs

Ron Mowlett is the new inspector for the Isla Vista Housing Inspection Program. Since Mowlett started in June, he has handled over 250 cases, ranging from simple permit approval to fining landlords for ignoring substanda...

June 27, 2001

BioBoring 2001- Hippies Mount a Lousy PR Campaign

By David Downs

"It's a shite state of affairs Buhler - a shite state of affairs."Buhler, my wingman, scanned the thousands of empty seats in Balboa Park's Starlight Bowl and agreed.

June 7, 2001

If I Get A Little Tired, I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead …

By David Downs

Medical studies say cognitive ability drops 25 percent for every 24 hours without sleep. The areas of the brain hardest hit are always the higher mental functions like critical thought and analysis.