David Downs

January 30, 2001

Film Review: “On the Road With Duke Ellington”

By David Downs

There's something about mastication that makes legends not so legendary.

January 24, 2001

Power Solutions

By David Downs

The quickest way out of California's energy crisis is to turn on every single electrical device in the state.

January 17, 2001

Man – God’s Big Joke: A Student’s Struggle to Cope With Daily Life

By David Downs

SALT LAKE CITY - "Plane Crash Kills 9 Returning From Skydiving Trip" It's the kind of perverse and macabre headline Norm MacDonald could've used on "Saturday Night Live," except Norm got axed for talk...

January 10, 2001

Waging War in Washington – A UCSB Student’s Application for United States Drug Czar

By David Downs

Let me begin my application for United States Drug Czar by saying that these are dark, dark days, Mr. Bush, and you know it.

December 7, 2000

‘Generation Z’ Goes Up in Flames, Begs for More

By David Downs

"Never mind the gibberish of Mystics & Astrologers, this is the Generation that was born into the Richest Economy in the history of the world. They were born rich & Powerful, the certifiable Aristocrats of a new & A...

November 29, 2000

A.S. Directory Blunder Amounts to Monkey Work

By David Downs

Ignore the bumbling fools in Austin and Tennessee for a sec and pay attention to UCSB. Trust me, there are bumbling fools locally to make fun of, and they are wasting your money as we speak.

November 22, 2000

What I.V. Needs Is a Good Flushing

By David Downs

The Low Down - In an ideal scenario, a monster 8.3 earthquake would roar out of a dormant fault line in the Santa Barbara Channel and reduce Isla Vista to rubble.

November 8, 2000

Fame and Leering in L.A.

By David Downs, copress

6:55 p.m. Dear God! If four stoners could ever leave on time for anything the world would stop turning, the universe's expansion would come to a screeching halt.