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Hey! That’s My CalPIRG You’re Talking About

This column is in response to last Thurday's column by Alec Mouhibian, "Campus Littered With CalPIRG Representatives" (Daily Nexus, Jan. 15, 2004).
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Correction: It’s Tuesday

Nothing for you today. I tried fitting a joke in this "space," but found it impossible. I hate corrections.
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Pondering Pap Smears

SHAC, the Student Health Advisory Committee is ready to bring you another installment of health care info. Testing for sexually transmitted diseases is a thought that crosses many students' minds, tho...
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Double Bastard

Birthday time again. You know how the 'human feels about birthdays. Only this time, it's all doubled - the joy, the madness, the fear and hating - all doubled.
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Bad Manners Along the Bike Lane

The other day, I was double-crossed. While on the trusty bike I like to call Rinaldo, I experienced what many of us bicyclists have - an accident. The male perpetrator came from behind, passed me on t...
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Stolen and Dumped Hot Line

It's a good thing that fuckwad didn't gank the Friday Daily Nexus. Otherwise, both of our faithful Hot Line readers would miss out on their weekly strip o' mirth.
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Running on Rocket Fuel

So now Bush is all jazzed about landing us on Mars. Will someone please tell him that's not where the candy bars come from?
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May Wild Dogs Devour You

Sometime before 10 this morning, some foul beast of a man, possibly aided by others, took all available copies of the Daily Nexus from at least 10 of the racks on campus and threw them in trash bins n...
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Cellular Hell on the Road and on a Dinner Date

I went out on a date downtown with a girl I met through a friend. We met up at Longboards Grill for dinner and all was going great until her cell phone started ringing every couple of minutes. The fir...
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Campus Littered With CALPIRG Representatives

Walking on campus recently, I was interrupted from an intense conversation with myself by a little man who asked, "Have you pledged for the environment yet?"
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Below the Bottom of Any Human Comprehension

Have you ever seen a commercial that was so horrible, so gaudy, so blatantly retarded that by the time it was over you actually considered suicide as an alternative to changing the channel?
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I’m for Parking Free in I.V.

I am running for the office of district supervisor because I am passionate about keeping this district pristine and natural while nurturing economic growth and planning with the input and involvement ...
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Propaganja

From the Stranger Than Fiction file: I was perusing the rack of informative pamphlets at Student Health. Got to skip over the STD rack - the only benefit of genderless 'humanism.
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Assignments or State-Sponsored Eco-terrorism?

Far from trampling through lush forests with chainsaws revving, aggressively slashing and burning our way through stacks of lumber, we destroy trees in a much more efficient and innocent fashion. We c...
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Sexually Speaking, Everyone Could Use a Tip or Two

Four years ago, when I was a freshman here at UCSB, a girl across the hallway in my dorm, who I desperately hope is reading this now, drew a picture of what she called a penis and showed it to me.
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