Nexustentialism

October 2, 2025

Hive-mind syndrome spreads during sorority rush

By Gentle Giant

On Wednesday, September 25, rush season began at UC Santa Barbara for sororities across Isla Vista. What was supposed to be a fun traditional event gave rise to a small, localized pathogen that has, according to experts,...

September 16, 2025

Guy who has never thought or prayed sends “thoughts and prayers” to Charlie Kirk

By Joseph R. Biden

Somewhat right-wing political “activist” Charlie Kirk was shot and killed on Sept. 10 while speaking at a rally at Utah Valley University. The presumably politically motivated act led to hundreds of politicians and n...

September 7, 2025

5 easy side-hustles at UCSB (get rich quick!!!)

By Gentle Giant

With college tuition and Isla Vista rent rising every quarter, the need for money is at an all-time high. Luckily, I’m here to help. Here are five foolproof ways to make a quick buck at UC Santa Barbara. 1. Become a me...

August 31, 2025

Newsom continues mimicking Trump, plans insurrection

By Joseph R. Biden

For the past several weeks, California Governor Gavin Newsom has made headlines by giving the political right a taste of their own medicine with his all-caps X posts, circulation of AI-generated images and general flagra...

August 31, 2025

Answering your stupid questions

By Serrano Ham

In response to the copious amounts of incoming freshman questions, the Daily Nexus has made answering them an all-hands-on-deck event. Below are a few of the questions Serrano Ham has been forced to address. 

August 19, 2025

14 new hidden fees from BARC delight students

By Gentle Giant

With fall quarter just around the corner, UC Santa Barbara is rewarding returning students with a big surprise: hidden fees! Students logging into their BARC accounts this summer were greeted with a new wave of “innova...

August 14, 2025

Shocking! Freshman hates roommate

By Serrano Ham

With the beginning of the 2025-26 school year approaching, freshmen at UC Santa Barbara may have physically survived the gauntlet of room selection, but some have found that their relationships with their roommates may n...

August 6, 2025

CALPIRG off the chain

By Serrano Ham

In the wake of the United States Environmental Protection Agency announcing its decision to withdraw its classification of greenhouse gases as harmful to public health and welfare, the California Public Interest Research...

July 29, 2025

UCSB to replace one-third of students with AI

By Gentle Giant

In a daring leap towards the future, UC Santa Barbara has recently announced plans to replace a third of its student body with artificial intelligence by the summer of 2026.

July 22, 2025

5 activities to keep yourself entertained in Isla Vista over summer

By Joseph R. Biden

Isla Vista: the unincorporated community where the streets are typically filled with bikers on their phones, drivers on their phones and inebriated pedestrians—usually on their phones.  From September to commenceme...

July 14, 2025

Timely warning: Freshman season has begun

By Serrano Ham

It happens like clockwork: as soon as decisions are released and commitments are made, they come in droves. The word is bitter on the tongue and makes the mouth twist with disgust. Freshmen. 

July 6, 2025

UCSB students overwhelmed by abundance of high-paying job offers

By Gentle Giant

In the wake of the booming American economy, thousands of UC Santa Barbara students are taking to social media, overwhelmed by the countless number of high-paying internships and job opportunities they are receiving.

June 29, 2025

A.S. resolution condemns war, Middle East declares peace

By Joseph R. Biden

World peace was declared on Wednesday after UC Santa Barbara’s Associated Students passed a resolution to condemn war. Fearing they would become the next victim in a long list of global organizations toppled by UCSB As...

May 29, 2025

Best ways to establish dominance over your roommate

By Gentle Giant

Ever wondered how to establish dominance over your roommate? Well look no further, these are the best ways to become the alpha.

May 29, 2025

Best song to play on guitar for girls: Wonderwall

By Kooky

Fellas, get rid of your feminist literature books and false love for matcha, as the fastest way to get ladies to drop their panties in today's day and age is a half-tuned guitar and a semi-courageous, off-key rendition o...

May 29, 2025

Best way to skip lecture

By Serrano Ham

By this time of the year, all you degenerates have already skipped at least one or two lectures. And if you say you haven’t, then you’re a liar and a degenerate. Skipping a lecture is an art form, it can either be a ...