Nexustentialism
It's satire, stupid.
Move aside, student barbers: Third-year communication major Steve Balboa has taken entrepreneurship to the next level by offering colonoscopies from his oceanside apartment on the 66 Block of Del Play...
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The University of California Board of Rejects has long been subject to protests surrounding their project to build a telescope on Mauna Kea, a land that is sacred both culturally and environmentally t...
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Aloha! Are you tired of all of this noise on campus? Are you bored of hearing about discrimination in your ethnicity requirement? Are you ready for a getaway from all the partying, tanning and being j...
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Walking through the Arbor is a fate worse than death most days. Those petition-wielding beggars can smell a vulnerable person like a shark smells blood. Tablers will force you into a conversation, eve...
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The Associated Students Senate elections closed with a bang last Friday, and not in the way you’d expect. A paramilitary group, armed with nunchucks and BuzzBallz, stormed Corwin Pavilion during a m...
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So the end of the year is quickly approaching and leases need to be reviewed, but you have one critical problem: you want to live with your bestie instead of your roommate! Unfortunately, your roomie ...
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This past Thursday, UC Santa Barbara had a very exciting guest speaker, a real gem within the drilling community. After leasing mineral rights to oil companies on his ranch, RuPaul became a notable ...
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To my dearest Gauchos and fans, I broadcast to you live from my couch in Isla Vista. Tonight, we are connected through nature and its wonderful properties. It’s been an interesting day — Isla Vist...
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History was made in Isla Vista last Saturday, when a member of Sigla Tau Delta’s UCSB chapter found the clitoris. Aidan Thibodeau, a second-year economics major from San Diego County, discovered it ...
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Since the turn of the 21st century, angry bitch feminists have been trying to hold men accountable for their crimes. “You’re being misogynistic!” “You’ve never made me finish!” “#MeToo!...
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Deltopia has come and gone, and now that the hangovers have fully subsided, many Gauchos have found themselves mourning their individuality. Frequent unintentional twinning has taken a toll on student...
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Having sex with other men, being on Grindr, wearing sunscreen — we know these are all gay for you, as a man, to be doing. All across the planet, researchers work tirelessly every day to discover wha...
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The Academy Awards came around and, just like every year, people saw them.
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Kim announced via an Instagram story that he was performing at Baja Sharkeez tonight from 10-11, but the night took an unfortunate turn.
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To kick off this March, here’s a list of the top five women that you already know I’d make some good history with.
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Chronically single
“Casual” by Chappell Roan
“Atmosphere” by FISHER
The entire shared playlist with their ex
“Je te laisserai des mots” by Patrick Watson
“If Only” by The Marías
Their ex’s old voice memos
White noise
“ceilings” by Lizzy McAlpine
“Marvins Room” by Drake
“KLOusFRENS” by Bad Bunny
“Somebody Else” by The 1975
