Nexustentialism

February 19, 2026

Thank God! Fatties silenced

By Joseph R. Biden

After years of promoting realistic body standards, combating toxic diet culture and planting like three size-six women in Hollywood, the world order has finally been returned: early 2000s-style skinny culture is back.

February 12, 2026

How to break up with your low-commitment, exclusive, no-labels situationship with benefits

By Don Juan Tenorio

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and with it often comes the realization that maybe you could be treating yourself better. Taken too many walks of shame recently? Maybe it’s time to ditch that stranger-turned-love...

February 12, 2026

C.A.P.S. opens sports betting division, overwhelmed after Super Bowl

By Associated Student

UC Santa Barbara Counseling and Psychological Services (C.A.P.S.) opened the door to their newest service: support for failed sports gamblers on Feb. 9. C.A.P.S. counselors expect these services to be in heavy demand fol...

February 12, 2026

Frat Looksmaxxer mistakes peptides for HRT

By Jessie Joint

Each new year brings with it new health and fitness trends that begin to dominate every frat house, football field and Friday function. Whether it’s downing Joe Rogan brand protein powder or shoving chicken into every ...

February 5, 2026

New I.V. film festival announced: “SPLIFF”

By Calico Critter

Beginning on Feb. 4, the Santa Barbara International Film Festival (SBIFF) will overtake State Street for 11 days. Since 1986, the festival features independent and international films, hosting award-winning celebrity tr...

February 5, 2026

UCSB Students Start Temperance Movement, Only Drink on Weekends

By Don Juan Tenorio

Waves are being made today in Isla Vista, California as some of UC Santa Barbara’s most debaucherous delinquents have publicly announced their decision to restrict their alcohol consumption to the weekends. 

February 5, 2026

New UCSB Foodie Club titled “GLP-None”

By Barbara Broccoli

The rise in usage of Ozempic and other GLP-1 medications to curb appetite and lose weight has led to an unprecedented decrease in meals consumed across not only the elites, but in the greater food-eating population at la...

February 5, 2026

Old Boys Club Prevails: Court Judge revealed to be University of Pennsylvania Alumni

By Leon Giusti

After nearly a year of deliberations and attempts at indicting Luigi Mangione, a recent hearing in the New York State Court saw Judge Tucker Johnson dismiss two charges, one including a charge of capital punishment, the ...

January 29, 2026

I.C.E. sees Instagram story, stops violence

By Joseph R. Biden

After a year of escalated Immigrations and Customs Enforcement activity under the second Trump administration, including what critics call violent and undemocratic enforcement tactics Immigrations and Customs Enforcement...

January 29, 2026

Midterms renamed to avoid triggering students

By Tiny Tinkle

In response to growing numbers of students panicking at the mention of m*dterm ex*ms, members of the “Don’t Say It” club on UC Santa Barbara’s campus are trying to make a change.

January 22, 2026

Cal Poly SLO, SDSU, high school students mourn Deltopia

By Joseph R. Biden

Last week, the Santa Barbara County Board of Supervisors voted to implement a 72-hour noise ordinance in Isla Vista on the weekend of April 4. This put an end to Del Playa Drive’s annual block party, Deltopia, which ta...

January 22, 2026

Top 10 ways to ace that interview

By Serrano Ham

Internship recruiting and the summer job search are in full swing, and you might be wondering how to make the job yours. Never fear, the ultimate guide to interviewing is here at the tip of your fingers, complete with 10...

January 15, 2026

Trump purchases Solvang

By Serrano Ham

The nation has been rocked by the news of President Donald Trump’s recent territorial acquisition, which the administration claims is part of his latest bid to increase the national security of the United States. 

January 15, 2026

Ask Stench: Answering your burning questions

By Joseph R. Biden

On our Instagram (8.2M followers, btw) we asked you if you needed any advice. As a California state-licensed therapist, bikini model and former U.S. President, who better to answer than I?

January 8, 2026

Isla Vista man struggles to reassimilate after 4 months abroad

By Joseph R. Biden

Local legend and third-year statistics and data science major Riley Logan of UC Santa Barbara has reportedly been struggling to fit back into American culture after a revelatory semester abroad. After living with all of ...

November 20, 2025

Disastrous pass time ends freshman’s academic career

By Serrano Ham

With Pass 1 of course registration having concluded this past week, devastated students, especially freshmen, have been left in its wake. UC Santa Barbara has been experiencing unprecedented rates of drop outs as freshme...