Zach Phillips

February 5, 2007

Military Policy on Queers Is in Danger

By Zach Phillips

Intolerance can be a wonderful thing. For a petrified military draftee who faces the crippling prospect of war, our army's intolerance for homosexuals is a veritable blessing.

January 29, 2007

Comedians Should Run for Office

By Zach Phillips

In 1978, the Pail and Shovel Party ran for student government at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, on a platform of corruption - and they won. Jim Mallon, a founding member of the party, explained his party's politic...

January 22, 2007

Passing Gas: A.S. Legislations Are Applaudable Fascist Newspaper Should Be Eradicated

By Zach Phillips

Of all the brilliant decisions Associated Students has made this academic year, the resolution passed last week to restrict the assets of the Daily Nexus is the most extraordinary.

January 17, 2007

Passing Gas: UCSB Athletics Needs Overweight Players

By Zach Phillips

Without a football team our school spirit is crippled. Instead of raucous tailgates, we have Freebirds. Instead of a stadium seething with pride, we have a street -Del Playa Drive - seeping with grime and garbage.

November 27, 2006

Lazy People Are Severely Disadvantaged in Life

By Zach Phillips

Laziness is a disability. In many ways, it is more debilitating than any mental or physical handicap.

November 20, 2006

Passing Gas: Stop Wasting Your Time on Narcissists

By Zach Phillips

Life is short and the time we have is valuable. We should avoid wasting our precious few moments by listening to people with nothing to say and who say it loudly.

October 30, 2006

Passing Gas: Aggressive P.C. Tactics Hurt Open Discussions

By Zach Phillips

"I am not committed to any of the political movements which I find full of fanaticism and injustice, but in the face of each human being, I act democratically and humanly," Ana

October 20, 2006

Passing Gas: Isla Vista Brothel to Curb Rapists

By Zach Phillips

In front of the Women's Center this past week, "I Want a Truce" campaigners used aggressive tabling, free T-shirts, non-binding pledges and, most importantly, smiles to squelch the inner rapist of countless potential sex...

October 16, 2006

Conspiracy Proves Difficult to Join

By Zach Phillips

Dear International League of Jewish Conspirators,

October 9, 2006

Passing Gas: Introductory Classes Make Me Puke

By Zach Phillips

This school incorporates thousands of California's top high school and transfer students every year, and then cripples the drive and motivation that made them top students by forcing them to traverse a long, deep mire of...

October 2, 2006

Stop Bigotry, Hate Frosh

By Zach Phillips

People are nasty, conniving, manipulative creatures that are more than willing to torment one another for a minimal benefit. Although feats of kindness can occur, most are just terribly miscalculated acts of malice.

September 28, 2006

Accept This and Shove It!

By Zach Phillips

Dear Board of Admissions, In an effort to make my "personal statement" more personal than just another mundane, self-praising recitation of high school accomplishments and false aspirations, I have chosen to ignore your...

June 28, 2006

Summer School Student Copes With Divorce From Vacation

By Zach Phillips

In many ways, expecting students to endure classes in the summer, or asking a child to remain happy after a painful divorce, is tantamount to forcing a crack addict to quit crack cold turkey.

May 23, 2006

Worthless Writers Make Mess All Over Opinion Page

By Zach Phillips

Today I brazenly post my indictments of the Daily Nexus Opinion section on its very pages, just as Martin Luther posted the 95 Theses on the doors of the oppressive institution of his day, the Catholic Church. I hope the...