Of all the brilliant decisions Associated Students has made this academic year, the resolution passed last week to restrict the assets of the Daily Nexus is the most extraordinary. For years, the Daily Nexus has been the bane of UCSB, reigning down a fiery shitstorm of grating slander and biased coverage. The Daily Nexus claims to report the news objectively, yet their opinion pieces are rife with opinions, just like this one – and the bastards print it anyways. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find any noteworthy examples outside the Opinion section to cite here. This, however, is evidence enough for their corruption: My imaginary sources tell me that each month the Daily Nexus editors cull their news archives of damaging articles, and then celebrate their decadence with conflagrant effigies of A.S. members.

Before turning their edifying eye on the vices of the school newspaper, A.S. set an uncanny precedent for reforming everything wrong with UCSB. First, despite being accused of bullying (The Readers’ Voice: “A.S. Boards Bullied Into Supporting Fall Initiative,” Daily Nexus, Oct. 17) and blackmail (“Five Former Members of A.S. Speak Out,” Daily Nexus, Oct. 17), they passed the Students’ Initiative. Then, more importantly, they took a brave and rare stance against the rules of proper English grammar, stating that “knowledge of correct spelling and sentence structure has historically been inaccessible to low-income communities and communities of color.” Logically, then, they proposed a bill to pay less attention to grammatical errors in all of their bills. Grammar, the bigoted tyrant, was subdued.

I would like to note here that, in support of A.S., I always fill my columns with misplaced commas, misused colons and countless disagreements between subjects and verbs. But each time I do, the fascist Nexus copyreaders “correct” me for publication.

Now, A.S. is boycotting the Daily Nexus. Ostensibly, they’re doing it because the newspaper accepted money from Conquest Student Housing for an advertisement, a company boycotted by A.S. Really, though, they were seizing an opportunity to purge our university of its meddlesome Daily Nexus. Bitter sentiments have long existed between our school’s newspaper and government, the same antagonism that strains the relationship between almost every newspaper and the government on which they report. In this instance, however, the Daily Nexus is solely to blame. If they were impartial in a way that was favorable toward A.S., then a boycott would be unnecessary. If they ignored blithering morons like Thomas Jefferson, who said, “No government ought to be without censures, and where the free press is free, no one ever will,” then A.S. would be more understanding. Their insolence is incurable.

What, besides a rampant ego, explains the Daily Nexus’ adamant refusal to be controlled by A.S.? A.S. is an uncompromising bastion of integrity. Its members persist solely on a diet of fruits, vegetables and integrity, and they excrete only the fruits and vegetables. They have too much of it to be misled into believing that the Conquest controversy with Cedarwood housing and the Conquest advertisement in the Daily Nexus are separate issues. They see the word Conquest and they attack, like a bull that sees red. A bull doesn’t think, “Hey, maybe I should think about what I’m doing more carefully, and engage in a rational and critical discussion with that red I see over there.” It charges. It has integrity.

Once the Daily Nexus is gone, A.S. will be much closer to fulfilling one of its main objectives this year: to increase diversity at UCSB (“A.S. Discusses U.C. Diversity, I.V. Safety, Energy,” Daily Nexus, Nov. 21). Raymond Meza has explained why we have such a homogenous campus: “You know why [minorites] don’t come here? They go to Stanford, they’re smarter.” (“A.S. Vote to Restrict Nexus’ Assets,” Daily Nexus, Jan. 18). With exceptional insights like this, it’s lucky for us that Meza isn’t at Stanford. Thus, to attract minorities and increase diversity at UCSB, we need to improve our school’s intellectual appeal. By decrying English grammar, A.S. took a step in this direction. And with the boycott of our school’s newspaper, a publication that keeps students informed and sometimes entertained and which allows them to voice their own opinions, A.S. has covered enormous ground. They deserve our support. Ride the bull.