Opinion

October 23, 2001

No One Rallies Around the Flag Like A Moron

By Steven Ruszczycky

There's just something about trying times that brings out the worst in people. While most would resort to anger or fear, Americans have a distinctive talent for falling back on their ability to be inhumanly stupid.

October 23, 2001

Reactionary Pacifists Need to Support the Fight for Justice

By Josh Bennet

The only thing worse than a knee-jerk use of U.S. force is a knee-jerk reaction against the use of force to defend our country.

October 22, 2001

Red Tape: Lies, Damned Lies and Outdated Statistics

By Josh Braun

After two and a half years at UCSB I am still unsettled by professors using obscenely outdated statistics to make points about gender inequality.

October 22, 2001

I Know It’s Crap, Oh Such Crap, Because I Saw It on TV

By Cara Jennison

I turned on CNN this morning. The talking head and an "analyst" loomed over a football field-sized map of Eurasia like a pair of colossi, the analyst pointing to areas of Afghanistan with a red-tipped stick.

October 19, 2001

Living Without Vowels: A Blockbuster Idea for National Defense

By Steven Ruszczycky

When the government enlisted top writers, directors and video game designers to help increase national security, people started scratching their heads.

October 19, 2001

The Obligatory Column by a Freshman About I.V. Parties

By Alice Shin

When I was getting my wisdom teeth pulled two months ago, my dentist commented on how I was "becoming a lady - let me guess! 13?" This leads me to believe that I will have the "FRESHMAN" sign forever taped to my forehead...

October 18, 2001

The Rump Halo

By Staff

I don’t get this new female jean style. Massive fading strictly applied to the ass cheeks and thighs make it look like a lot of cowboys ride your saddle. It also looks like you’re going for a baboon-style pre...

October 18, 2001

All-American Greed Will Win

By Sean Corbin

I am not afraid of anthrax; I am afraid of driving, second-hand smoke, AIDS, prostate cancer, smallpox, pneumonia, police brutality, Alzheimer's, heart disease and people who consider L. Ron Hubbard a prophet.

October 18, 2001

Farrah’s Column Full of Distortions; The Dead Are Not Necessarily Martyrs

By Staff

In response to Jeff Farrah's ignorant though well-meaning column "U.S. Won Cold War to Free World, Not to Fear Terrorists" (Oct. 17), I would like to propose the following clarifications.

October 18, 2001

With Liberty and Justice for Buttsylvania and Leggies

By Brendan Buhler

My fifth-grade class was a lot more competent than A.S. Legislative Council. We got the garbage out of the way early and quickly, so we could move onto the class' important business: eating paste and changing France's na...

October 17, 2001

The Un-American USA Act

By Drew Atkins

There’s a very important piece of legislation going through Congress right now named the USA Act. It would be in your best interest to take the time to learn about it.

October 17, 2001

What’s That Running Down Your Leg?

By Staff

Whenever I interview someone important like a presidential candidate or a celebrity, I don’t imagine them naked. I imagine them with diarrhea. Everyone gets the Runs, even cool people. When you imagine them with a ...

October 17, 2001

I’m Paying You to Goof Off So I Can Goof Off

By David Downs

The six guys in orange vests trying to unclog a Del Playa storm drain today are perfect fractals of all bureaucracy. Five of them supervise. One of them works.

October 17, 2001

U.S. Won Cold War to Free World, Not to Fear Terrorists

By Jeff Farrah

While imperfect, the United States' Cold War policies carried out, overall, a poetic execution of the Evil Empire by some of the most brilliant minds in the Land of the Free.

October 17, 2001

Don’t Criticize Recent Anti-Terrorist Policies; They’re for Our Own Good

By Staff

One view that seems to be fairly popular among ignorant, uninformed pacifists is that there is no need for things like military action or such inconvenient heightened security measures (foreign student background checks,...

October 17, 2001

Congratulations On Making The New Bren Center A Completely Green Building

By Staff

Congratulations to UCSB and the Bren Center from a proud UCSB parent ("California's 'Greenest' Building To Open on Campus in January," Sept. 28, 2001).