Opinion

October 24, 2001

What are the Chances?

By Staff

Whenever midterms are pinning me down, I try to get some perspective. It could be worse. Atrsweek editor Eric James, for example, just got her wallet stolen in Hollywood by a 7-foot tall drag queen crackhead. Wednesday&#...

October 24, 2001

We Can (and Should) Dance if We Want To

By David Downs

Since I'm a tall, lanky fucker, I keep my booty-shakin' subtle. Tall, lanky people look like morons when they flap their limbs around the dance floor.

October 24, 2001

Bitter Critics Need to Taste Sweet I.V. Life

By Tiffany Miller

While I have never met Alice, I'm convinced that she is a bitter, cynical person who believes that she is better than everyone else.

October 24, 2001

Hey, Freshman: Stop Your Bitching and Get a New Bike

By Staff

I'm sure you'll get better adjusted to campus life and maybe even parties. You may eventually start going to 8 a.m. classes in your pajamas like the rest of us rather than in make-up.

October 24, 2001

The Beach Is Not Your Dumping Ground; Let’s Keep It Clean

By Staff

In just one day, we managed to pick up 25 large garbage bags worth of trash all along the shores below DP, plus a TV, an old computer, two decomposing mattresses, several plastic chairs and tiki torches, three bikes and ...

October 24, 2001

Isla Vista, the ‘Death Trap’ That Hides Pockets of Culture and Artistic Talent

By Henry Sarria

I don't know how many times I've heard it said, but if there were a dollar for every time it has been said to me, then a millionaire I would be: "Isla Vista is a cultural black hole/death trap."

October 23, 2001

No One Rallies Around the Flag Like A Moron

By Steven Ruszczycky

There's just something about trying times that brings out the worst in people. While most would resort to anger or fear, Americans have a distinctive talent for falling back on their ability to be inhumanly stupid.

October 23, 2001

Reactionary Pacifists Need to Support the Fight for Justice

By Josh Bennet

The only thing worse than a knee-jerk use of U.S. force is a knee-jerk reaction against the use of force to defend our country.

October 22, 2001

Red Tape: Lies, Damned Lies and Outdated Statistics

By Josh Braun

After two and a half years at UCSB I am still unsettled by professors using obscenely outdated statistics to make points about gender inequality.

October 22, 2001

I Know It’s Crap, Oh Such Crap, Because I Saw It on TV

By Cara Jennison

I turned on CNN this morning. The talking head and an "analyst" loomed over a football field-sized map of Eurasia like a pair of colossi, the analyst pointing to areas of Afghanistan with a red-tipped stick.

October 19, 2001

Living Without Vowels: A Blockbuster Idea for National Defense

By Steven Ruszczycky

When the government enlisted top writers, directors and video game designers to help increase national security, people started scratching their heads.

October 19, 2001

The Obligatory Column by a Freshman About I.V. Parties

By Alice Shin

When I was getting my wisdom teeth pulled two months ago, my dentist commented on how I was "becoming a lady - let me guess! 13?" This leads me to believe that I will have the "FRESHMAN" sign forever taped to my forehead...

October 18, 2001

All-American Greed Will Win

By Sean Corbin

I am not afraid of anthrax; I am afraid of driving, second-hand smoke, AIDS, prostate cancer, smallpox, pneumonia, police brutality, Alzheimer's, heart disease and people who consider L. Ron Hubbard a prophet.

October 18, 2001

The Rump Halo

By Staff

I don’t get this new female jean style. Massive fading strictly applied to the ass cheeks and thighs make it look like a lot of cowboys ride your saddle. It also looks like you’re going for a baboon-style pre...

October 18, 2001

Farrah’s Column Full of Distortions; The Dead Are Not Necessarily Martyrs

By Staff

In response to Jeff Farrah's ignorant though well-meaning column "U.S. Won Cold War to Free World, Not to Fear Terrorists" (Oct. 17), I would like to propose the following clarifications.

October 18, 2001

With Liberty and Justice for Buttsylvania and Leggies

By Brendan Buhler

My fifth-grade class was a lot more competent than A.S. Legislative Council. We got the garbage out of the way early and quickly, so we could move onto the class' important business: eating paste and changing France's na...