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Don’t Base Your Desires on the Gender Binary: Go For What Gets You Off

Nation. People. Literate UCSB students. I come before you today to offer a study that will revolutionize science. Its elegance, infallibility, and pure genius will force the Nobel committee to establi...
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The Six Degrees of Isla Vista: You Wish It Were Only A Theory

Have you ever been sitting around, shootin’ the shit with your friends, when all of a sudden you stop and realize you’ve all essentially hooked up with one another? All right, before you judge me,...
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Yes, UCSB, Your Government Is Listening To You

Most college students are pretty unhappy with Congress right about now and rightfully so. With huge cuts to education and high unemployment especially among recent college graduates, the Republican ma...
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The Reality of Mental Illness: University Edition

I’m diagnosed with a variety of psychiatric conditions: bipolar I disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, ADHD and a learning disability called dyscalculia. As a teenager I battled anorexia nervosa....
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Closure of Coal Oil Point Reserve Trails Unimaginative, Unfair

I’ve got bad news for those of you who like to jog or hike around the Coal Oil Point Reserve. You will discover that while you were all away for Christmas break, the university has blocked off, and ...
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How I Know Who You’ll Vote for in 2012

Welcome back Gauchoans, and Happy New Year!  2012 is destined to be a doozy. Not only will it be the final year of our lives, but in November we will decide who the final president of the United Stat...
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Road (Construction A)head

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Save Yourself Grief: Know the Difference Between Habitable and Not

Just when you thought the creepy crawlies from Halloween were long gone, you’ve noticed that a whole new family of bugs and rodents has arrived. It seems like your rental is falling apart, practical...
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Even Expert Scoundrals Must Strategize to Maximize Booty

Sometimes getting laid isn’t the problem; the problem is answering the booty call. No, I’m not talking about the girls who fight with themselves about their morals at 2:30 in the morning: “I’m...
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U.S. Repeal of UNESCO Funding Misses Big Picture

Last week, Palestine officially joined UNESCO, the UN’s educational, scientific and cultural organization, as its newest member. The vote approving Palestine’s membership was overwhelming; 107 mem...
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‘No Unwanted Mail’ List Holds Potential to Eliminate Nuisance Mail

I am inundated with unwanted mail, including local publications. For example, The Montecito Messenger began sending me its newspaper, which I never requested. Not wanting to receive it at my home, I ...
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Fulbright Scholar Recounts U.S. Experiences

Upon coming to the United States on a Fulbright Teaching scholarship, I became familiar with the lively American spirit and culture. During my time as a teaching associate at the University of Califor...
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The Atheist in Love: Chapter Three

This week’s question: How would you handle raising children with a religious spouse? I have often contemplated my future life as a father. To have a son would be both awesome and fucking terrifying ...
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Caffeine: How To Kick the Habit, Or at Least Abuse Correctly

Maybe you’re intimately familiar with the groggy feeling of “waking up” in the morning, slowly and begrudgingly biking over to Cajé and mumbling something the cashier assumes means “large cof...
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BYOB: A Simple Solution to Our Plastic Bag Problem

Bring your own … bag? Santa Barbara has the potential to be the next county to ban single-use plastic bags to protect our oceans and to significantly reduce our plastic consumption. Approximately 12...
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