Room for One More Star?

The 51st state of the union will not be Puerto Rico or even American Samoa. It will be a sand-filled, terrorist incubator that will make those Islamic schools in Pakistan look like an alternative kindergarten in Marin County.

War, Recall and Hell’s Hostile Takeover of Earth

Truth may be the first casualty of war, but just because it’s dead doesn’t mean you have to drag it down the street with its guts trailing behind it as double-jawed hyenas gnaw on the gristle.

Minority Retort

Today’s Digital Video Festival at 7 p.m. in I.V. Theater will showcase 13 shorts brought to you by the Digital Video Association of UCSB.

Alienating Ant Farm

Call him the “Ambassador of Anomie,” maybe even the “Duke of Desolation.” Just please stop calling him, “that guy who painted ‘Nighthawks.'”

‘For the Love of God, Die Already’

The only thing more shameful than a “Friday the 13th” part 10 is Artsweek, which spent almost two hours of its Tuesday evening trashing “Jason X.”

Heavy Mettle

Justice for David Attias’ victims won’t end with a lengthy sentence from the court, but it may start with a monologue in Snidecor Hall.

420 Fans Toke, Muse

The stoner attack hit Isla Vista’s Espresso Roma around 4:40 p.m. Saturday when hordes of glassy-eyed revelers from the Fourth Annual 420-Fest in Anisq’ Oyo’ Park streamed in oohing and ahhing at Roma’s shiny display of cakes, brownies and cookies.

Bathtub Film Festival

I Love Adolph Hilter co-producer Matt Wienglass says his 4/20 showing of seven experimental films in I.V. Theater has a drug theme corresponding with the worldwide smoke-out, but it’s in no way limited to dopes.

Blackalicious | Blazing Arrow | MCA

Blackalicious’ only crime on Blazing Arrow is that its CD is too fucking good. The rhymes set the ears a-tingle and the frontal lobes afire. The beats blur genres and demand bass knobs turned to the left. Most kids are just going to bump along to the awesome tracks at a party, neglecting to cue […]

My Vagina Is Angry And It Needs To Talk

UCSB’s allegedly liberal-minded student body could use a good, hard kick to the cunt, and three professional Vagina Monologists have arrived with their boots on.

Literature Blows

“Literary parody and current events parody, mixed in with some fellatio humor; and some of them have plots.” So goes author Neal Pollack’s synopsis of the very funny and naughty Neal Pollack Anthology of American Literature.

Vex Red | Start With a Strong and Persistent Desire | I Am

At it’s best, the Hampshire five-piece juxtapose wistful, jaded lyrics and swooshing effects with big-ass “crunch-crunch” noises out of a Korn concert.

CIA Memo: Neal Pollack Must Go Down!

Artsweek used its professional training and deep-cover sources of college entertainment journalism to uncover the following triple-stamped, uber-Top Secret CIA communiqu

Dabbling in That Magic

A buffet of theatric cuisine awaits drama lovers next week. And a ticket to the student sampler is at everyone’s favorite price: free.

Brushfire and Water

Eight years ago freshman math major Jack Johnson lived in Anacapa Hall, ate lunch at DLG and joked with his dad about being a rich statistician after college.