Weather

Hey! Hey! Ho! Ho!

October 16, 2002 by

Every year the government spends $14,000 for every illegal immigrant and $24,000 for every prison inmate in California. You know, you'd think we could pay University staff enough to live on. But I gue...
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Yummy. Sorta.

October 15, 2002 by

This year brought with it a new phenomenon: dining commons assignments. The first time I ate fried chicken in the dorms I found a feather. And then there was the worm in the potato. It only got worse ...
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Greenthief

October 14, 2002 by

The police stopped a thief down the street from my apartment this weekend. "Bikes," I thought. Or maybe computer equipment. But no. His truck was full of stolen... palm fronds.
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For What It’s Worth

October 11, 2002 by

Okay, I'll apologize. A.S. funds a lot of important stuff. They're pretty cranky about it, though. It's almost like they lost a million dollars of student money on the stock market.
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Hello, Sports Fans

October 10, 2002 by

I hear they've canceled the plan to put giant cement islands on all the I.V. streets. So in effect, the county has paid a lot of money to mark all the roads with useless construction paint.
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The Weatherfund

October 9, 2002 by

It's time for "special elections," although I'm not sure what's so special about them. The issue, as I understand it, is that A.S. squandered its money on bad investments, resulting in massive debt, a...
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The Death of a Salesman

October 8, 2002 by

The youth crime prevention kid woke me up at 9 this morning to sell me a candy bar.
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Drink of the Week

October 7, 2002 by

I used to like the sparrow family in the UCen. They're cute when they fly up and perch on your chair. They clean the floors of excess croissant crumbs.
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Getting to Know All About You…

October 4, 2002 by

Centuries ago, men and women were shown the implements of torture and given a chance to confess their sins before being tried and burned at the stake.
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One-Liner (Maybe Two)

October 3, 2002 by

One-Liner (Maybe Two)
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Huffy, Schwinn and Natural Selection

October 2, 2002 by

The freshman packs are dwindling down to groups of four and five. Some might attribute this to them "settling in," but I think I know better.
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Is There Porn on Your Computer?

October 1, 2002 by

Somewhere out there is a god among internet advertisers. This is how the scam works:
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Your Assigned Reading

September 30, 2002 by

Standing in line for readers sucks. Especially when you know what they're going to say. I'm going to save you some time. Here's your assigned reading:
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Service Unity Responsibility Fun

September 27, 2002 by

Free surfboards in the UCen! I swear, I was walking by and there it was, mounted on the wall. You should hurry though, because there are only a couple left.
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Welcome Week Wildlife

September 26, 2002 by

At the dawn of time, great herds of freshmen roamed the vast expanses of the West. Today their numbers have dwindled to small packs of between 30 and 50 individuals.
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