Weather

The Cave Diet Really Works

November 25, 2003 by

The weatherhuman believes that the mass slaughter of turkeys this time of year is a cruel, archaic tradition. I vastly prefer prime rib.
read more

Can We Make It?

November 24, 2003 by

We're crawling toward Thanksgiving break, and for many of us it will mean the first time we've been home since the year began. Which makes this a scary few days.
read more

CNN Is for Jacko-ffs

November 21, 2003 by

I was watching the CNN coverage of the Michael Jackson situation. I know, it's stupid, it's sensational and only an idiot would care about it. But enough about CNN.
read more

Food Ain’t Free

November 20, 2003 by

Made a few trips to the dump today. It's expensive to use the dump. Paying someone else to take my stuff got me thinking about the weird ways money works. There is paying for stuff you already own...
read more

Full of Myself

November 19, 2003 by

Correction: On Nov. 19, the weatherhuman did not want to write the weather. The weatherhuman, in fact, wanted to go home. And since the weatherhuman is anonymous, and therefore, cannot be fired...
read more

No to Idiots with Opinions

November 18, 2003 by

The weatherhuman has a long history of bitching about the graffiti that appears around campus. Here I go again.
read more

Wait ‘Til You Get There

November 17, 2003 by

I read that a couple dozen Iowa National Guard troops tried to avoid being shipped to Iraq by taking illegal drugs prior to drug tests the night before deployment - and got sent anyway. Talk about a b...
read more

Cop Out

November 14, 2003 by

Well, the 'human went and got shitfaced before coming up with today's column. Now I'm staring at the roof of this goddamned cave, trying to think, like I have so many times before.
read more

Take a Bite Out of It

November 13, 2003 by

Our best hoops player went down with an injury - damn our luck. Just another blow for the athletics department, who, due to some organizational error, have forgotten to schedule games for the football...
read more

Strategery Is an Important Part of Governizing

November 12, 2003 by

Arnold hired a new press secretary, a woman named Thompson. Apparently she worked on Gee-Dub Bush's campaign as well. Strange hiring, I thought. Arnold seemed to have the avoiding questions routine ma...
read more

On the Road

November 10, 2003 by

The weatherhuman is writing from the road, somewhere in the blackness between Vegas and Baker. It's going to be a long drive for the 'human and associates. Three days of blasting the mind with chemica...
read more

Go Home

November 7, 2003 by

The weatherhuman is on vacation in Las Vegas. Filling in today is its attorney and personal physician, Dr. Lazlo von Zonkerstein. As the weatherhuman's attorney I advise anyone who reads this to stand...
read more

Substitute ‘Humans

November 6, 2003 by

The weatherhuman will be out of the office the next two days. But I am never too far away. Crack a bottle of whiskey and I am there. Throw dice against the wall and hear my voice. Pass out under a hot...
read more

You’re the Only One, Baby – ‘Til Next Month

November 5, 2003 by

I got paid yesterday. I leave for Vegas tomorrow. It was nice knowing you, Paycheck. Pity we couldn't be together a little bit longer. But hey, we should have a fun time this weekend, huh?
read more

Hold the Phone

November 4, 2003 by

Someone on campus gave the 'human an ugly look because she was standing next to me using a hands-free phone and I asked if she was talking to me.
read more