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Ducks aren’t all foul, my wife’s fat

April 1, 2004 by Hollis Birkhead Isla Vista

I am writing in response to Teresa Kugelstein's recent opinion article, in which she called ducks "the most hateful of all waterfowl" and "web-footed feces machines."
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Magnanaro’s Column Proves Status as Dick

April 1, 2004 by Lindsey Witkowski

Wow. I have a couple of words to say to Anthony Manganaro of San Nicholas Residence Hall: Get over it. I read the article "San Nic Dicks and Paranoid Chicks: More Rants From a Freshman" (Daily Nexus, ...
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Shake Time

March 31, 2004 by

On Correction days I like to point out things in the community that I feel need correcting. Isla Vista is ridiculously dry right now, and I'm not talking about lack of rain.
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Bite of the Angry Koala

March 31, 2004 by Bryan Barton

We at The Koala hope this column will serve as a reminder to the Joel Galsters of the world that if you are an oblivious idiot, maybe you should consider whether 15 seconds of research and 10 seconds ...
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Troy Revisted; parties are fun

March 31, 2004 by

A.S. has really done it this time. The University of California's credit rating has now dropped below even the state of California's - lower than any individual UCSB student.
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Perfecting the Art of Post-Sex Pillow Talk

March 31, 2004 by Kate Rice

Anyone who has ever been around here March through June should know about the mad rush of people looking to get action on a daily basis during this time. If you haven't, you are in for a treat. Spring...
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The Thursday Corset

March 31, 2004 by Katherine Pilaf

It has come to my attention that a significant number of my peers are fornicating premaritally. Upon discovering this, I was shocked and alarmed, and I wondered what foul design is influencing this be...
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The Artful Dodger: Leno Earns Big Bucks While Others Take It on the Chin

March 31, 2004 by Drew Mackie

TV reminds me that the world is unjust. Everyday I watch the news and hear from Mr. Newsie Newsman that innocents die in terrorist attacks, that the financial chasm between the rich and the poor widen...
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San Nic Dicks and Paranoid Chicks: More Rants From a Freshman

March 31, 2004 by Anthony Manganaro

This is something I hate more than anything else. I hate when, for example, I'm about to walk into San Nicolas Residence Hall, but before I go inside, I yell to a bunch of guys playing football on the...
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Zebras belong at the alphabet’s end

March 31, 2004 by Dennis F. Wadd

I hate Zebras. I really do. They're a sad excuse for an animal adapted to live on the harsh African plains. They're not horses.
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Gays should marry men, not me

March 31, 2004 by Fay van Peebles

With all this hubbub about gay marriage, I feel like voicing my opinion. I, for one, wish gays could get married, if only so they'd stop marrying me.
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Treat my fun bags with respect

March 31, 2004 by Samantha Ramhorn-Velasquez

As a feminist, I am offended by any slang term referring to the female breast. Kindly never print the following words in your fine publication: titties, knockers, hooters, headlights, fun bags, jugs, ...
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Sidewalk Saviors

March 30, 2004 by

A recent Dartmouth Medical School study found that teenagers who are religious are less likely to be depressed and more likely to be satisfied with their families and school than secular teens.
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White House Finds WMD

March 30, 2004 by Tiye Baldwin

New evidence of WMD was found on Capitol Hill last week. Weapons of Mass Distraction came pouring out of the White House and through news outlets in an attempt to change the subject of public dialog. ...
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Damn Skippy: The Survival of the Fittest for Dummies

March 30, 2004 by Loren Willams

Population growth is a big problem for me. As an environmentalist, I'm concerned that America already uses more resources than it can sustain. Water tables are dropping, topsoil is eroding and other b...
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