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Halloween Restrictions Prove Excessive

As I watched the brigade of mounted officers parading around Isla Vista this past week in preparation of Halloween, I could only think of one thing, and it didn’t have anything to do with public saf...
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Annual Festival for Gold Diggers Commences Tonight

Isla Vista will hold its annual festival for gold diggers tonight and throughout the weekend. Sources confirm that thousands of scantily clad ladies will roam the streets of Isla Vista looking for men...
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Put Down the Numchucks: Let’s Not Get Arrested

Happy Almost Halloween! I can’t believe how fast this year has been going! It seems like the school year just started and it’s already Halloween weekend coming up. Before you know it, Thanksgiving...
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Green Gladiator Van Jones to Ignite and Inspire Santa Barbara Residents

According to some, Van Jones is a “racist, radical communist who believes 9/11 was part of a conspiracy involving the U.S. government.” So then, what is Jones doing giving a talk in Santa Barbara ...
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It’s All White Noise to the Authorities of Isla Vista

Promptly at 7:30 a.m., my room begins to shake. No, my roommates aren’t playing another shitty Dillon Francis track, but what is going on could still be considered aural rape. What I and undoubtedly...
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The Atheist in Love, Chapter Two:

This week’s question: Is it better to have love and lost than to have never loved at all?   Perhaps “love” isn’t the right word. In any case, the closing of an intimate relationship is so...
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Explore Beyond the Vortex of Drunkenness: Break Out of I.V. and Into the Wild

Not to be completely obvious, but we live in a unique environment. Isla Vista crams around 12,000 students into two square miles filled with endless Snappa, fine eateries, carnal pursuits and good ol...
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Halloween: Keep It Local, Keep It Safe and Avoid Peeing-in-Public Tickets

Students of UCSB,   Halloween 2011 is quickly approaching. For you freshmen, you’re probably chomping at the bit to finally get to experience Halloween in Isla Vista … and for you seniors, yo...
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There’s No ‘I’ In Team; And It Really Doesn’t Matter What Team You’re Playing for Anyway

There are a lot of good things about threesomes. You get to find out what your friends are really like in bed, you can actually live out the experience you already lied to your friends about having an...
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Political Columnists Deconstruct OWS Movement – Right Said

“Vox Populi; Vox Anon; the voice of the people is the voice of anonymous; WE ARE LEGION” — Anonymous, 10/9 In recent weeks, much has been made of the mindless rabbles known as the Occupy Wall St...
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Political Columnists Deconstruct OWS Movement – Left Said

I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching lately. Right under my nose, against any expectations I ever had, and apart from any institutions or organizations I’ve been a part of, an inspiring new mov...
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Gun Control Policies Propagate Violence, Calamity

Two weeks ago, on Oct. 12, a man by the name of Scott Evans Dekraai killed eight people in a bloody massacre at the hair salon where his ex-wife worked in Seal Beach, California. Apparently, Dekraai s...
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A.S. Legislative Council Postponed, Members Await Bail Money

An Associated Students Legislative Council session could not proceed yesterday due to the fact that every member is currently in custody at Santa Barbara County Jail for various criminal activities. A...
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I.V.F.P. Officer Bummed Students Never Invite Him to Parties

As a police officer, I am sworn to protect and serve the community. And, although I am a professional who wouldn’t let anything get in the way of my duty, I wish the community would show a bit more ...
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“When the Government Puts the Interest of the Few Above the Interests of the Many, It’s Time for a Change”

A long, long time ago a group of guys got together to solve a problem they all had: mainly, they weren’t making enough money. They were all hardy, entrepreneurial folk blessed with a classical liber...
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