I am writing this piece to thank the students in my Economics 157 class who opened their hearts and bailed me out during a rough time. It all started a couple of years ago when I lost a lot of money in the real estate crash. I was under a lot of stress — the poor economy was putting a strain on my marriage and tearing my family apart. Financial realities hit hard when my wife and I realized that my 50th birthday party would have to be held at my home rather than on a chartered yacht like we planned. At one point I came dangerously close to turning off the heat for my spa. I had to endure the disappointed look on my 16-year-old daughter’s face when I told her we would have to sell our second home in Aspen.

Then, everything turned around. My economics textbook started making record sales starting around Christmas and all throughout this week. Under the terms of my book deal I make 10 percent of the price of every single textbook sold. Students who hadn’t even met me yet were making the small sacrifice of $249.95, and buying my book out of the kindness of their hearts. It is heartwarming to know that in a society where everyone is trying to scam and steal from each other, people can still come together to help others. I want to sincerely thank my students for saving my marriage and allowing me to support the cocaine addiction that I developed during my Wall Street days.

Next week Daily Nexus satire columnist Matt Renner will report on the recent inexplicable spike in pregnancies at Friendship Manor.