Opinion
As a student here at UCSB, life is tough. Sometimes we fall off our bikes; maybe we lose our favorite headphones. Maybe we get sad because we don’t have any friends, or it’s raining, or we’re pi...
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“Let us not wallow in the valley of despair my friends. Even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream … I have...
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You have an hour between classes. It’s a slightly awkward period of time and you’ve got a decision to make: You can either return home briefly, only to rush back to school, or stick around and fin...
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At first they tried Papa Bear Cain’s porridge, but it was a little too strange with that weird pizza-flavored aftertaste. Then they tried Mama Bear Romney’s porridge, but it was a little to...
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This letter is going to be about a fictional character, who shall be given the arbitrary name of Aspen Shorelion. Young Aspen is a freshman at UCSB, and he’s feeling a bit lost. It so happens that h...
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When you get betrayed, it is best not to let your emotions get the best of you. Even though my emotions are still raw, I am taking this opportunity to vent. Recently I was left heartbroken by someone ...
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Over the past few weeks many Americans have displayed their outspoken opposition against the Protect Intellectual Property Act and the Stop Online Piracy Act. According to CNNMoney, SOPA would preven...
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Gauchos, throughout the first quarter of the school year many of you have undoubtedly had, seen or heard of run-ins with the law while out and about in Isla Vista. The morning after a big night on the...
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Just over one week ago, a handsome and allegedly humble Christian unleashed upon YouTube a performance of spoken-word audaciously titled, “Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus,” that he wrote “to...
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It’s a new year and only two weeks into the new quarter you may have found yourself already behind schedule on the 2 million pages of reading your professors have so thoughtfully deemed necessary. T...
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So listen, syllabus week is over. It’s time to get your shit together. No, I’m not talking about getting your books, stop that. Do you know me at all? No, it’s Christmas season round 2: winter s...
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Who is your favorite person in the whole world, in all of history, of anybody that has ever, or will ever, exist? You know the answer, I promise you. And even if you don’t believe it, trust me, it...
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On occasion, I enjoy reading the Daily Nexus. I did so today. And even as old as I am (I qualify for codger status) I am still amazed at how youngsters ascend to the tops of their Ivory Towers with a...
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Save water, drink beer. As Isla Vistans, we’ve all heard the saying, but what does it really mean? Most I.V. residents would argue that this slogan advocates the copious consumption of a frothy liqu...
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I am writing this piece to thank the students in my Economics 157 class who opened their hearts and bailed me out during a rough time. It all started a couple of years ago when I lost a lot of money i...
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A werewolf who definitely howled mid make-out
A performative male dressed as Tyler Durden
The mime that somehow made it hot and cool
The ghost of your situationship (no, it’s actually them)
Frat vampire, and your neck will be bleeding
The angel that has definitely never gone out
The literal devil
A prisoner with fake tattoos that you can pretend are real for the night
A sexy cowboy that definitely used the ride line at least four times
A Patrick Bateman who relates a little too much
The witch who asked for your zodiac sign first
A nurse who will leave you needing CPR
