News

April 1, 2004

Math Professor Gets Sizeable Sum

By Travis Hunter

A distinguished visiting UCSB professor received a mathematics prize on March 30 comparable to the Nobel Prize-at least in terms of the prize money. The Norwegian Academy of Science and Letters awarded the 2002 Abel Priz...

April 1, 2004

Slippery Little Sucker

By system

March 31, 2004

Government To Study Sex Lives of Snowy Plover

By Daniel Haier

Following several petitions and a lawsuit, the United States Fish and Wildlife Service said last week it would re-examine the status of the western snowy plover population - paying special attention the birds' sex lives.

March 31, 2004

IV goes dry

By Joy Bresterror

Isla Vista residents gather on Sabado Tarde to attempt a Friday night party. The booze ban led to binge-studying and utter academic mayhem.

March 31, 2004

Man bites dog, makes news

By Gildy Borina News-Piss Staff Writer

In a stunning turn of events, Santa Barbara City Councilman Brian Barnwell returned to Alisos Street on Monday to seek revenge on the pit bull that caused minor lacerations to his buttocks in mid-February.

March 31, 2004

County To Deny Deli Mart’s Liquor License

By Jason La

An Isla Vista convenience store will probably not receive an off-site liquor sales license, county officials said. There are currently six off-site liquor sales licenses issued in Isla Vista and approval of the I.V. Deli...

March 31, 2004

Everybody needs some body sometimes

By Slick Steeplechase News-Piss Staff Writer

With budget cuts looming on the horizon, UCSB Student Health Service officials have been thinking outside the body bag in their search for a way to increase revenues.

March 31, 2004

Students Oppose UC Policy Changes

By Jenny Mayock

A proposed revision to the University of California's policies on campus activities, organizations and student government has some students feeling censored by University administration.

March 31, 2004

Locals Donate Funds for Film Center

By system

A planned public theater on campus will be known as Pollock Theater in honor of a Santa Barbara family that contributed $2 million to the project.

March 31, 2004

Election losers resort to meat, drugs, violence

By Dusk Calvin News-Piss Staff Writer

Mouths water and nostrils flare with every tender bite into one of Slick Gardner's burgers. At a makeshift stand erected on the front lawn of his ranch, meat patties sizzle in their crimson juices as Mr. Gardner, beer in...

March 31, 2004

I.V. Theater Hopes “Big Fish” Will Rekindle Its Magic

By Lulwa Bordcosh

A new film series sponsored by the university will debut this Friday night in an attempt to diminish Del Playa Drive crowds and revive Isla Vista Theater's 70s "Magic Lantern" movie house heritage.

March 31, 2004

U.C. biologists deem Comm. Majors better than old rats

By Neb Wraskon News-Piss Staff Writer

Professors of biology Richard Star and Art Shandobil announced the unanimous results from an ethics meeting in which every invited UCSB professor declared future use of lab rats totally unsatisfactory. The Tuesday meetin...

March 31, 2004

Womyn reclaim den of oppression

By Caspianicus Fatkins

Editor’s Note: This article appeared as part of our April’s Fools issue. Once the site of barbaric and demeaning antics, the old Phi Gamma Delta (FIJI) fraternity house on Embarcadero del Norte now braces for...

March 31, 2004

MCC welcomes corn-fed panel for honkey-talk

By Hunter X. Gustavson News-Piss Staff Writer

An event at the MultiCultural Center on Wednesday gave voice to a culture that has long been drowned out by polka-and-cheese stereotypes: the American Midwest.

March 31, 2004

Leg Council meets to discuss pressing issues

By Bernice Bean, News-Piss Staff Writer

The first Spring Quarter meeting of Associated Students Legislative Council began with a 30-minute discussion of what proactive initiative toward a positive dialogue would best educate the students and raise awareness ab...