David Fuad

April 26, 2006

People Watching In Classes Can Help Stave Off Boredom

By David Fuad

If you're reading this, I apologize - you're probably not at the beach. In fact, you're probably stuck in class, drowning in a stormy sea of boredom, desperately floundering for a brief gasp of entertainment.

April 10, 2006

Hideous Storke Plaza Desperately In Need of Remodeling

By David Fuad

It's an indisputable fact that the UCSB campus is one of the most spectacular college campuses in the history of mankind. That's a given.

February 23, 2006

Lincoln Has His Logs So Let’s Just Forget About the Penny

By David Fuad

I want it gone. It's outdated, it's worthless and it jumped the shark 10 years ago. It's small and brown and it's not a midget UPS driver. Ladies and gentlemen, I, David Fuad, being of sound mind and disposing memory, do...

February 17, 2006

Oh the Places You Gauchos Will Go

By David Fuad

As my four years here at college draw to a close and I prepare to enter the rarified world of UCSB alumni, I can't help but wonder about my legacy after I leave.

February 7, 2006

Gaucho Rolls the Dice

By David Fuad

I've recently started playing the classic board game Monopoly again. I was struck by an idea: The Monopoly board is a fitting metaphor for my time here at Santa Barbara. There are four sides on the board, each correspond...

October 31, 2005

Clean Up Your Drinking Habits

By David Fuad

I have an exciting new invention I want to tell you all about. I guarantee it will revolutionize the way you clean and the way you drink beer. Do I have your attention? I thought so. For too long, the twin giants of the ...

September 26, 2005

Construction Dodger Awaiting Completion

By David Fuad

Anyone who has stepped on campus recently must have noticed the insane amount of construction in progress. Everywhere you turn, there's another gigantic hole in the ground, or the steel skeleton of some building-to-be. ...

September 22, 2005

Welcome Back to Your Nine-Month Vacation

By David Fuad

Ah, back-to-school season. Before college, going to back to school was the worst time of year. It meant the end of warm, lazy days spent doing nothing at the beach.

May 26, 2005

Dear Disrespectful Guests, Die Slowly

By David Fuad

This is an open letter to anyone who has partied at our house this year. Everyone else in I.V. who has had a rager at their place, you'll probably understand.

May 18, 2005

Colossal Sunglasses Leave UCSB Beauty’s in the Dark

By David Fuad

I'm writing this column to bring to your attention global warming, world peace and solving hunger. Just kidding - fuck that boring shit! I'm writing to complain about an issue bigger than all three of those combined: tho...

April 19, 2005

Dumbass DP Ledge Jumper Provides Cliffhanging Entertainment

By David Fuad

As a house of 12 guys on oceanside DP, we're frequently front and center as the helpless victims/neutral spectators/chronic instigators of the relentless debauchery that is DP. We knew what we were getting into when we s...