Last week, I was supposed to write a poem for my English class. It's fun writing poems because nobody understands them. You could write "A blue cup, washing in the wind" and accept praise for it.
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Last week, I'm lying on my back thinking, "I can't believe I have Astronomy 1 at 9 a.m. tomorrow morning," when I feel another one coming. Holy shit, not again! I've been in the toilet all night, and ...
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It is obvious the Internet is killing us - not mentally, but physically. For example, when I checked my e-mail this morning, I fell out of my chair and broke my right nut.
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This is something I hate more than anything else. I hate when, for example, I'm about to walk into San Nicolas Residence Hall, but before I go inside, I yell to a bunch of guys playing football on the...
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I'm a little, nervous shit, so at my first UCSB party I walked up to this gigantic senior carrying a bottle of vodka and asked him, "So, how do you get a girl around here?" He didn't respond with comp...
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Choked by their cap tassel during a graduation photoshoot
Accidentally daps the Chancellor up as they receive their diploma
Decided to skip commencement to go day drink on Del Playa
Ugly crying so hard they drown out "Pomp and Circumstance"
Posing on stage like there's a model scout in the audience (there was)
Can't make it up the steps due to the sheer amount of cords, stoles, and leis
Couldn't decide on a grad dress so they showed up in pajamas under their gown
Showed up to commencement high and suffering from horrendous munchies
Somehow juggling the 15 ceremonies required for their triple major
Graduated with a 5 year plan, chronic anxiety, and a great internship
Reading Kafka in the audience in hopes of an honorary English degree
had their graduation photos taken in the lagoon to be different
