Move over HUGO BOSS and Coco Chanel, as a new icon is on the scene. An Isla Vista man, who wished to remain anonymous (to “stave off the hordes of women”), is taking the world by storm with his daring and innovative style. From the moment he stepped out onto Del Playa Saturday afternoon in his Birkenstocks, he became the center of attention, with crowds in the tens of thousands being drawn to watch him strut his stuff. As we move up from the shoes to view his full outfit, the complete genius is on total display: his white socks provide a stark contrast to the light gray Birkenstocks, going up his sunburnt legs and blue swim trunks, with a double knot hanging loosely around the waist. We then see a cream-colored shirt, unbuttoned to display what can be called only with great generosity his abs, above which hang not one but two faux gold chains. A backwards cap rests upon his head, serving as a crown to his newfound status as a true icon.
“Yeah man, I just felt like trying something new.” These words, spoken by the new Messiah of Isla Vista, were what started a fashion revolution. “Like 20 minutes after I got there, everyone was wearing it. Like, bro, they were totally biting my shit. But it’s ok,” he explained, “we can’t all be trailblazers like me. I gotta pave the way for everyone else, you know how it is. All a bunch of sheep, like those — ” he looked around sheepishly, then stopped himself.
Despite some of his presumably brave views, he did in fact set a new trend in I.V. for Deltopia: 76% of those surveyed wore his fit, with a whopping 4.5% of those people actually attending UCSB.
Marcus T.C. is currently cleaning up his apartment after it was set on fire by an angry mob of UCLA students.
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