Sierra Vakili / Daily Nexus

Are you sitting outside on the grass in front of the Arbor right now? Are you happy? Sorry, happy enough? Who are you sitting with? Consider these questions with great thought, because they could be the very thing that determines whether or not you find yourself as the next poster child of UCSB. With tour groups running amuck, you need to be prepared to seize the moment and demonstrate just what we’re all about here at UCSB.

As I’m sure you know, UCSB is a very diverse institution. However, when it comes time to showcase true diversity to the little tour groups here at UCSB, some friend groups just aren’t sure how to do it. So, if you’re not sure about what to do when you find yourself out with your most diverse group of friends, look no further! We’ve got you covered!

First, we need to talk who’s there and what you are wearing. Make sure that more than one style, race and gender are represented, and that they showcase just who you are. Black girl wearing a labcoat: woman in S.T.E.M., empowered, smart, girlboss. Racially ambiguous person with a bit of a preppy look: smart, confident and a little shy everywhere but the classroom. Asian guy with a cool jacket: cool, charming, definitely your class crush. White guy with balls: for sports, duh. Mexican person with a skirt on: their legs are itchy from the grass, cool sense of style, you wish you were them. Make sure you have them all, or at least a variation of this group.

Next, make sure you have the props down. Your outfits only tell part of the story; the props finish them. A book, a copy of Nexustentialism, cool headphones or a notebook would do the trick. There has to be a storyline for the people to follow — the props will make sure people know what you’re doing on the lawn.

Lastly, pose! Flip your hair back as you laugh and look effortlessly beautiful, read the newspaper, smoke the joint, jam out to your cool music — whatever it is, as long as it’s clear you are having fun and comfortable with the friends surrounding you. Make sure these poses don’t put too much center on one person, either — everything has to be as even as possible. 

Now all there’s left to do is wait for the wide eyed tour groups to approach and forever remember you as the perfect example of multiculturalism here at UCSB! You know what they say: fake it till you make it!


Fart Tent wishes there was more diversity at UCSB.