“Do not go gentle into that geed night.” Ollie Tabooger / Daily Nexus

So there have been a lot of rumors and speculation surrounding me and my sorority status. I am HERE to set the masses straight, completely on the record, and a hundred percentile truthful.  The truth is:

Sororotitties just absolutely suqqqqq, mega emphasis on the suq. I have done absolutely nothing but give back to my fellow “sisters,” and they slap me with a pretty, little piece of paper that asks me to quietly resign. The first thing I’m about to set straight is that I will not go gentle into that geed night, or whatever the saying is. They will have to lock me up in the bowels of the sorority house where they put the ugly girls during rush to shut me up.

Do you like, know, what I have done for this sorority? I have participated in every single philanthropy only moderately drunk, threw up only TWICE at a date party and didn’t fuck any guys in the lower fraternities. I am basically keeping the appearance of our sorority at an all time high. Guys have like literally told me they slept with my sorority sisters because I gave the house a good name.

The other thing I am going to set straight is that I did NOT get “kicked out” for punching a girl in the face and committing the horrendous crime of wearing army pants and flip-flops. I like maybe pushed her slightly (only because she fucking deserved it), and she was the one going against the sorority by-laws:

“Thou shalt not commit a fashion faux pas;

unless it is for a fraternity social

and even then it must be a slutty version.”

Her army pants and flip-flops totally go against that, and I was just doing my executive job of making sure the girls keep in line with the by-laws!!!

This is just absolutely ridiculous, and I will petition the shit out of nationals. As much as I hate it, everyone knows you have literally zero status as a GDI, and I can’t live that life. Sorry, not sorry.


Sorority Sally fucking hates all of her sisters, but she will still #lovethem4life on Instagram.