A.S. Restores Party Member
The Associated Students Legislative Council debated the upcoming A.S. spring elections during Wednesday night’s five-hour meeting.
UCSB Stings Hornets
Though he began the season as UCSB’s third starter, junior transfer Nick Capito has quickly adapted to pitch ing like an ace. In his first ever series-opening start, the left-hander out of Santa Ana Junior College tossed his second consecutive complete game, blanking Sacramento State 9-0 at Hornet Field yesterday afternoon.
Lady Gaga Done Making Music
Pop singer Lady Gaga announced yesterday via her official Web site that following her extensive Monster Ball tour, which wraps up later this year, she will be retiring from the music scene indefinitely.
PREPARE YOURSELF! ALIENS AMONG US!!
I’m sick and tired of hearing about Jesus. People testify all the time, saying ridiculous things like, “I can see his face on my toast, it’s a miracle!” or “Jesus helped Oklahoma make it to the final four, praise him!” or “My gonorrhea is cured! Thanks, Jesus!” Hooey. It’s all bunch of coincidences that can […]
“COWBOY” BOB WILLIAMS QUITS TO PURSUE BOYHOOD DREAM OF RODEO
UCSB sports have just lost a real-life Gaucho. In a move that only those close to him could have foreseen, Bob Williams has elected to step down as head coach of the men’s basketball team after 12 years at the helm. His controversial decision was announced in an emergency press conference called last night by Athletic Director Mark Massari.
!!! WEATHER !!!
The Weatherhuman would like to take this opportunity to sincerely apologize to all those I have offended over the years.
Extravaganza to Host Diverse Lineup
Gauchos, the wait is finally over! I, Arts Weakly’s in-house psychic, now reveal to you the artists selected to headline this year’s ASPB-sponsored Extravaganza. It’s all coming to me now: Yes, the voices from the other side of the eternal divide (plus the added clairvoyant boost from a couple cans of Natty Ice) are quite clear and persistent in their otherworldly communications with me this week.
GET READY FOR THE COMING OF CHRIST!
Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past few years, you’ve heard about these total nut jobs who claim they’ve experienced some kind of “alien” encounter. It’s the same story every time — they were just minding their own business in the middle of a field and then BAM! Out of nowhere these […]
BRONTSEMASAURUS FOSSIL UNCOVERED AT CU STADIUM
The fossilized remnants of a Triassic period dinosaur, believed to be over 225 million years old, were discovered at a UCSB baseball game this past Sunday.
PIRATE FINDS EYE, SEES OWN FUTURE
In a startling turn of fate, Isla Vista’s famed Pirate discovered a hidden treasure map inscribed on his harmonica and, following its clues, found his missing eye.