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Doin’ the Isla Vista House Rental Boogie

January 30, 2002 by Jake Norton

I had a dream. It was a simple one: sea breeze, large yard, carpet, clean bathroom, paint, space to walk more than three steps without having to turn around ... hold on, wrong dream. Who are we kiddin...
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For This, You Just Need to Boot Me Up to Turn Me On

January 30, 2002 by Sarah Kent

Most people who have spent enough time online in chatrooms have probably at least toyed with the idea of cybersex.
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Arnoldi Is Most Qualified for Santa Barbara County Sheriff

January 30, 2002 by Sharon Saunders

I've attended two of the forums; I've listened closely to each of the four candidates. There is only one candidate that I feel will do the best job for all of the people. How did I rule out the other ...
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Thighs of Steel

January 29, 2002 by Staff

Since the abduction of El Canario, I have obtained a new weathercycle. It is approximately 9 feet long, red and weighs about as much as a 1972 Volkswagon Beetle.
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Score One for Evil

January 29, 2002 by Staff

Congratulations to the campaign to recall 3rd District Supervisor Gail Marshall! With hard work, perseverance and cunning, you collected the 8,914 signatures needed to challenge the liberal supe.
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Living Without Vowels: U.S. Needs POW Rules

January 29, 2002 by Steven Ruszczycky

Let loose the dogs of war, or, if you're the Bush administration, keep them trapped in kennels of tin and steel with liberal access for poking sticks.
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U.N. Has a Right to Judge POW Treatment

January 29, 2002 by Loren Williams

The recent criticism of the United Nations by Henry Sarria ( "U.S.'s Treatment of Taliban Doesn't Warrant Criticism") is expressive and emotionally persuasive. Its only flaw is the complete lack of fa...
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Weather Phone Transcript

January 28, 2002 by Staff

"Ring Ring" Me: "Hello." Telemarketer: "Hello, may I speak to a Weatherby Huuman."
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Face Off: Should Los Padres National Forest Be Open to Oil Drills?

January 28, 2002 by Josh Braun Stephanie McCoy

The Forest Service has completed a mineral survey of Los Padres National Forest. It contains 140,000 acres, which may contain large amounts of oil. The Forest Service will now draw up a report outlini...
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This Time, Things Will be Different

January 25, 2002 by Staff

Every quarter I find myself falling into into the same study habits.
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Petition to ‘End Racial Profiling’ No Such Thing

January 25, 2002 by Thomas Weng

End racial profiling? Is some really wealthy person finally coughing up the money to pay signature-gatherers to put something for the equitable and just treatment of all people on the California ballo...
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A Conservative Isla Vistan Against Recalling Marshall

January 25, 2002 by Alex Small

I voted for Larry Mills, but I do not support the recall effort against Gail Marshall. I merely disagree with her policies; I don't consider her patently unworthy to serve out her term.
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Columnist Insults Students Earning Their UC Diplomas

January 25, 2002 by Jeffrey Marek

Most likely he didn't conduct an accurate poll, but it is obvious there are two groups of students at UCSB: students simply wanting to earn a prestigious degree and the research-loving students.
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Anthrax Smanthrax

January 24, 2002 by Staff

The weatherpet uses biological weapons.
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U.S.’s Treatment of Taliban Doesn’t Warrant Criticism

January 24, 2002 by Henry Sarria

As the transfer of al-Qaeda prisoners to Camp X-Ray in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, continues, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld warns the American public that we've now entered a dangerous phase of the w...
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