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Big Mistake

November 14, 2003 by

Halloween in Isla Vista: The party is over. Seriously, this time. It was 15 days ago. But that only brings next year's festivities 15 days closer. Planning can never start too early. Planning can neve...
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Cop Out

November 14, 2003 by

Well, the 'human went and got shitfaced before coming up with today's column. Now I'm staring at the roof of this goddamned cave, trying to think, like I have so many times before.
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Even Cops Are Invited to Open Parties

November 14, 2003 by

Do cops have quotas? Do they get a bonus for writing a bunch of tickets? No, there's no free toaster for every five beer tickets we write. People often talk of quotas and how the police need to show ...
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Purple Hot Line

November 14, 2003 by

Being purple must suck. As valid as the other five-sixths of the spectrum, it gets the regularly shaft nontheless. Being split into indigo and violet, for example - totally lame.
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Take a Bite Out of It

November 13, 2003 by

Our best hoops player went down with an injury - damn our luck. Just another blow for the athletics department, who, due to some organizational error, have forgotten to schedule games for the football...
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Forget the Guy in the Bush

November 13, 2003 by

Have you ever meandered through the streets of Isla Vista and felt the compelling need to check the bushes for the possible creepy guy with the knife waiting for the helpless target to walk by?
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U.S. Teeters Into Totalitarianism

November 13, 2003 by

Totalitarian history of Russia and Nazi Germany evokes passionate sentiment of brutality and government policy gone horribly awry in the minds of the American public, who since birth has been surround...
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Romance Column Forgets About the Facts

November 13, 2003 by

Whenever people are faced with forces they don't understand or feel powerless to resist, they construct explanations to make them comprehensible. Whenever people are faced with forces they don't under...
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A Damn Lot of Pennies for Your Thoughts on Feminism

November 13, 2003 by

I'm a UCSB alumnus and have heard that the UCSB College Republicans have been trying to host a debate between Phyllis Schlafly and a professor of women's studies, but despite several polite invitation...
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Short and Irrelevant Career in Personal Saviordom Fails

November 13, 2003 by

Regarding Shawn Nielsen and Natalie Spritzer's column "Carl's Jr. TV Ads Put Sleaze Into the Special Sauce" (Daily Nexus, Nov 12), I appreciate the fact that a couple of lousy punk teenagers think the...
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Strategery Is an Important Part of Governizing

November 12, 2003 by

Arnold hired a new press secretary, a woman named Thompson. Apparently she worked on Gee-Dub Bush's campaign as well. Strange hiring, I thought. Arnold seemed to have the avoiding questions routine ma...
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Dirty Talk, Happy Humping

November 12, 2003 by

People use a wide array of mechanisms to liven up their sexual experiences. From food in the bedroom, to sex toys, to dressing up in a big animal costume with a hole cut out for the genital areas, if ...
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Sexy, Sinister Neo-Conservatives

November 12, 2003 by

I'm writing a romance novel about the neo-conservative takeover of the White House. Bubbling underneath all the exchanged glances over tables of power, the handshakes and smiles, there is raw emotion ...
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Carl’s Jr. TV Ads Put Sleaze Into the Special Sauce

November 12, 2003 by

When you see a beautiful woman straddling a vibrating mechanical bull, what's the first idea that pops into your head? Is it, (a) the woman is training for a rodeo, (b) something related to sex, or (c...
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Dancing Around a Dilemma: Lifelong Dreams in the Face of a New Major

November 12, 2003 by

Just over a month ago, I faced a decision that many of us as college students inevitably face at one point or another - the decision to change majors.
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