Opinion
They say the best way to guarantee you won't do something is to make it a New Year's resolution. Look at me for living proof of this adage. We're only a few days into the year and already I'm an utter...
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It's considered the detritus of the media, an investment in waste management. The presence of reality television, low-scale comedy and fashion periodicals induce an automatic gag reflex with a covert ...
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The storm season is upon us, the new students are settled in and the parties are plentiful. The mundane mid-year slump is hitting, so hookups at this time of year are particularly shameless, and just ...
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You didn't think the weatherhuman was going to miss Britney's wedding day did you? No sir, I was there. I rode in on the same cold wind that will soon blow her completely out of the music business and...
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Good to see that DNA testing has determined that one crazy cow was from Canada. I knew no American would carry that irrational disease.
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I sometimes see a fight at one party but the police are too busy giving someone an MIP (Minor in Possession of Alcohol citation) down the street to notice. Do the police have a priority system on how ...
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Here we are. The beginning of the Year of Our Lord 2004 and the tail-end of the Chinese Year of the Ram, which ends on Jan 21.
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Back to school time - I'd call it Hell if it weren't so fucking freezing outside.
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I spent Winter Break in a television trance. But whenever I broke away from VH1's marathon sessions of C-grade celebrities telling me what to remember from the '70s and '80s, I checked out the newspap...
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Feeling better today. Feeling like it's good to be home (when you've been here as long as the 'human has, this is home).
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My computer was stolen. My snazzy Gateway portal to the world was taken from my bedroom during a little shindig - on my birthday, no less - that my roommates and I had.
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With Winter Break over and all of you back in town, the peace that comes with the end of finals is officially over. I must admit, I missed all of you and some of your alcohol-fueled antics.
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It would make a great game show. Your school's teaching assistants plan to strike, but you have to guess why. "Is it Eskimo Pies? Are you planning to strike because you want more Eskimo Pies?" Only t...
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Did you hear about the lady who got trampled at Wal-mart by maniacs in pursuit of DVD players on sale for $30?
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"Sir, you've been selected by the airline," the man at the security gate of the Santa Barbara Airport says to me, quickly scratching an "X" in red marker on my ticket. Did I win something? Maybe I'm g...
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Everything shower every day
Has an extensive tote bag collection but never brings one to Trader Joe’s
Reusing condoms
Collecting tears to water their plants
Asking to shower together to “save water”
Air conditioning and electric blanket running simultaneously
Has gone from Temu to SHEIN for bikini purchases
Fracking
On their 10th flight out of Santa Barbara Airport this month
Owns seven Stanley cups
Wrote their environmental ethics essay with ChatGPT
Vegan contributing to Big Almond
