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Stolen and Dumped Hot Line

January 16, 2004 by The Opinions Staff

It's a good thing that fuckwad didn't gank the Friday Daily Nexus. Otherwise, both of our faithful Hot Line readers would miss out on their weekly strip o' mirth.
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Running on Rocket Fuel

January 15, 2004 by

So now Bush is all jazzed about landing us on Mars. Will someone please tell him that's not where the candy bars come from?
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May Wild Dogs Devour You

January 15, 2004 by Daily Nexus Editorial Board

Sometime before 10 this morning, some foul beast of a man, possibly aided by others, took all available copies of the Daily Nexus from at least 10 of the racks on campus and threw them in trash bins n...
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Cellular Hell on the Road and on a Dinner Date

January 15, 2004 by Henry Sarria

I went out on a date downtown with a girl I met through a friend. We met up at Longboards Grill for dinner and all was going great until her cell phone started ringing every couple of minutes. The fir...
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Campus Littered With CALPIRG Representatives

January 15, 2004 by Alec Mouhibian

Walking on campus recently, I was interrupted from an intense conversation with myself by a little man who asked, "Have you pledged for the environment yet?"
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Below the Bottom of Any Human Comprehension

January 15, 2004 by Cole Pilegard

Have you ever seen a commercial that was so horrible, so gaudy, so blatantly retarded that by the time it was over you actually considered suicide as an alternative to changing the channel?
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I’m for Parking Free in I.V.

January 14, 2004 by Steve Pappas

I am running for the office of district supervisor because I am passionate about keeping this district pristine and natural while nurturing economic growth and planning with the input and involvement ...
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Propaganja

January 14, 2004 by The Weatherhuman

From the Stranger Than Fiction file: I was perusing the rack of informative pamphlets at Student Health. Got to skip over the STD rack - the only benefit of genderless 'humanism.
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Assignments or State-Sponsored Eco-terrorism?

January 14, 2004 by Daniel Haier

Far from trampling through lush forests with chainsaws revving, aggressively slashing and burning our way through stacks of lumber, we destroy trees in a much more efficient and innocent fashion. We c...
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Sexually Speaking, Everyone Could Use a Tip or Two

January 14, 2004 by Kate Rice

Four years ago, when I was a freshman here at UCSB, a girl across the hallway in my dorm, who I desperately hope is reading this now, drew a picture of what she called a penis and showed it to me.
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No Room for Suckers in the Hypocritical Grand Old Party

January 14, 2004 by Shawn Mourna

A partisan Republican would have little or no difficulty painting me as a member of the liberal elite. The liberal elite is composed of individuals who are politically liberal. Their elite status is d...
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Ponder Globalization From Black Sabbath’s Perspective

January 14, 2004 by Justin Violini

While I agree with most of what Joey Tartakovsky said in "Blue Traffic Lights: Globalization Gives Folks What They Want" (Daily Nexus, Jan. 12, 2004), I could not stay silent to perhaps the most egreg...
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Fighting for College Funding

January 13, 2004 by Brooks Firestone

For generations Californians have recognized the importance of higher education to a free and prosperous society. Under the higher education master plan, the top 12.5 percent of high school students ...
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Early Bird Gets the Worm

January 13, 2004 by

Congratulations to Craig Belon for winning himself a big ol' bag of dank bin candy by spotting the new Nexus font and getting to the office to report it all by 10 a.m.
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He Said, She Said: Leave the Heavy Make-up for Bozo the Clown, Okay?

January 13, 2004 by Drew Mackie

Painted ladies of Isla Vista, douse your Jackson Pollock faces in turpentine. I'm here to liberate you out from beneath your layers of makeup.
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