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Booty Texting: How to Send the Right Message

January 25, 2012 by

We’ve all been guilty of booty calling. Or maybe not, but your day of shame will come, young grasshopper. “Hey, what are you doing,” “Where are you?” “Wanna hang?” all sound innocent …...
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Alcohol Consumption No Excuse for Excessive Violence

January 25, 2012 by

One night at a party in Isla Vista I came upon a scene in which some asshole was threatening a seemingly innocent girl and consequently pissing off the wrong people. Needless to say, he got punched in...
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Society Isn’t Colorblind Yet, So Our Laws Shouldn’t Be

January 24, 2012 by

Affirmative action is the misunderstood child of liberal politics in America. The reasons for and details of its implementation are hardly understood by most Americans today. It’s not “reverse rac...
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Don’t Let That First World Problem Get You Down: Why You’re Bored and What You Can Do About It

January 24, 2012 by

As a student here at UCSB, life is tough. Sometimes we fall off our bikes; maybe we lose our favorite headphones. Maybe we get sad because we don’t have any friends, or it’s raining, or we’re pi...
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Pitting Race Against Race Doesn’t End in Diversity

January 24, 2012 by

“Let us not wallow in the valley of despair my friends. Even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream … I have...
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Commerical Assault of the UCen Disrupts Student Downtime

January 23, 2012 by

You have an hour between classes. It’s a slightly awkward period of time and you’ve got a decision to make: You can either return home briefly, only to rush back to school, or stick around and fin...
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Newt Gingrich: He’s Only Fooling Goldilocks

January 23, 2012 by

  At first they tried Papa Bear Cain’s porridge, but it was a little too strange with that weird pizza-flavored aftertaste. Then they tried Mama Bear Romney’s porridge, but it was a little to...
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Regain Your Life’s Focus by Living Outrageously

January 20, 2012 by

This letter is going to be about a fictional character, who shall be given the arbitrary name of Aspen Shorelion. Young Aspen is a freshman at UCSB, and he’s feeling a bit lost. It so happens that h...
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Peeping Tom Mulls Over Puzzling Heartbreak

January 20, 2012 by

When you get betrayed, it is best not to let your emotions get the best of you. Even though my emotions are still raw, I am taking this opportunity to vent. Recently I was left heartbroken by someone ...
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We Never Invited Internet Censorship… Or Did We?

January 19, 2012 by

Over the past few weeks many Americans have displayed their outspoken opposition against the Protect Intellectual Property Act and the Stop Online Piracy Act. According to CNNMoney, SOPA would preven...
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Due-Diligence Tips to Stay Out of Trouble in Isla Vista

January 19, 2012 by

Gauchos, throughout the first quarter of the school year many of you have undoubtedly had, seen or heard of run-ins with the law while out and about in Isla Vista. The morning after a big night on the...
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Embracing Jesus But Denouncing Religion Reveals Hypocrisy

January 19, 2012 by and

Just over one week ago, a handsome and allegedly humble Christian unleashed upon YouTube a performance of spoken-word audaciously titled, “Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus,” that he wrote “to...
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Forget Campus, Tackle Tequepis Trail Instead

January 19, 2012 by

It’s a new year and only two weeks into the new quarter you may have found yourself already behind schedule on the 2 million pages of reading your professors have so thoughtfully deemed necessary. T...
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Don’t Chase Shots, Chase Jerseys: How to Land Yourself One

January 18, 2012 by

So listen, syllabus week is over. It’s time to get your shit together. No, I’m not talking about getting your books, stop that. Do you know me at all? No, it’s Christmas season round 2: winter s...
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You’re Just Another Character in Someone Else’s Story

January 17, 2012 by

Who is your favorite person in the whole world, in all of history, of anybody that has ever, or will ever, exist? You know the answer, I promise you. And even if you don’t believe it, trust me, it...
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