News

April 1, 2002

Young Voices: who I did on spring break 02′

By Marisa Lagos

Matt, John, Jose, Paul, Jeff ... to name a few that I remember. This Spring Break was packed with stuff to do.

April 1, 2002

Isla Vista historic sites suffer from too many visitors

By Mylanta Burns Staff Writer

They are the unappreciated places of Isla Vista, but at the same time, the most appreciated.

April 1, 2002

Martha Stewart comes out as replicant, reproduces asexually

By Mylanta Burns Mylanta Burns II and Mylanta Burns III Staff Writers

Television hostess Martha Stewart - America's ideal stay-at-home mommy - became a mother on national television yesterday when she asexually birthed her own offspring.

April 1, 2002

Hampton epiphany: ‘I am an idiot’

By Mylanta Burns and Anne Griffen Staff Writers

He was sitting on the toilet, captured in the moment, hands whirling and pumping like a small engine, when it happened: our illustrious and athletic Associated Students President, Brian Hampton, came to the realization t...

April 1, 2002

Snowy plovers take law into their own hands

By LaDawn Hobbes Staff Writer

A young plover tucks his assault rifle under his wing and marches methodically along the barbed wire fences. From behind enemy lines, he scornfully eyes nature's biggest enemies: surfers, small children and puppies.

April 1, 2002

feature photo: Godzilla visits campus

By Staff

Editor’s Note: This story is from the April Fool’s issue of the Daily Nexus.

April 1, 2002

U.S. Army nukes the Philippines

By Staff

A U.S. salvage team has found the remains of five American servicemen killed in the Army helicopter which accidentally dropped a nuclear bomb while participating in a counter-terrorism drill in the southern Philippines,a...

April 1, 2002

ZZ Top held at Guantanamo Bay

By Staff

KANDAHAR, Afghanistan (AP) - The first planeload of ZZ Top bandmembers and their bearded fans departed from a Marine base at Kandahar's airport Sunday night and was flown to a U.S. military detention camp in Cuba, a spok...

April 1, 2002

Marklar expects Marklar to introduce marklar

By Staff

Marklar (AP) - President Marklar renewed his appeal for a marklar stimulus marklar Marklar as part of his 2003 marklar that proposes $591 billion in new marklar reductions, including a permanent extension of last marklar...

April 1, 2002

Bush declares LA Lakers World Champions prior to playoffs

By Staff

Washington, D.C. (AP) - President Bush declared the Los Angeles Lakers the 2002 NBA World Champions on Sunday, in order to keep the nation focused on the War on Terrorism.(c)

April 1, 2002

Argument between homeless and IVRPD resolves to remain unresolved

By Curtis Brainard

After two months of ugly haggling, the Isla Vista Recreation and Parks District and local homeless advocates reached an agreement to go on arguing forever. The plan resolves everything by resolving absolutely nothing.

March 8, 2002

Recall Foes Blast Tactics

By Michael Porzucki

The No On Recall Committee announced its legal strategy to stop the recall election intended to oust 3rd District Supervisor Gail Marshall from office yesterday - the same day its opponents delivered the signatures to pu...

March 8, 2002

IVRPD Votes to Allow Overnight Sleeping

By Elizabeth Lovero

The Isla Vista Recreation and Parks District decided to draft an ordinance Thursday night that would allow sleeping, but not camping, in I.V. parks.

March 8, 2002

Anderson May Still Face Runoff Against Dorsey

By Ladan Moeenziai

Although Commander Jim Anderson won the majority of the votes for Santa Barbara County Sheriff election night, the absentee ballots have not yet been counted -- which means the sheriff may have to face candidate Dave Dor...

March 8, 2002

Bourdakis’ Parents To Donate Scholarship

By Lana Burrows

As a tribute to their son's love for geography, Nick Bourdakis' parents decided to donate memorial contributions toward a student scholarship for undergraduates in the UCSB Geography Dept.

March 8, 2002

Panel Explores Evolution Theories

By Vineet Gupta Reporter

Three prominent evolutionary scholars held a discussion in Corwin Pavilion yesterday that added two hours to the long, controversial debate over evolutionary theory.