Ivanna Doomscroll

October 1, 2026

Shocking: “Freshman 15” revealed to be psyop by Big Lettuce

By Ivanna Doomscroll

In a revelation that has shocked college freshmen and still-bitter post-grads across the nation, the notorious “freshman 15” has been revealed to be a myth constructed by Big Lettuce in order to sell more salads.

April 9, 2026

UCSB wins March Yakness, gains nationwide recognition

By Ivanna Doomscroll

In a development that has changed the lives of the chronically online and proved as yet another loss for the productive, UC Santa Barbara gained global notoriety and prestige after emerging victorious in the 2026 March Y...

February 26, 2026

Student gets B+ on midterm, immediately confesses to cheating on girlfriend

By Ivanna Doomscroll

In an incident that has left life science students shaken to their core and the rest of the student body virtually unsurprised, a student interrupted an EEMB 2 lecture on Monday to make an unexpected, jarring confession.