UCSB Campus Bathrooms: Ranked

Summer school means that I take a lot of shits on campus, because I don’t have time to go home between classes, work and my internship. Therefore, I’ve compiled a list of the best and the worst restrooms that UCSB has to offer. You’re welcome. 

 The restroom in Kerr Hall

 I would give this bathroom a solid 9/10. When you open the door, you are faced with another door that you have to go through to finally get to the stalls. I like this double layer of protection; I don’t have to feel embarrassed about the volume at which I blow ass. 

The HSSB restroom

This restroom deserves a 6/10 because the toilet is way too far away from the door, so much so that it makes me uncomfortable. And there’s only one hand dryer —  but that’s an even bigger no-no, because air drying my hands makes them feel even dirtier than they were before. 

The Arts Building restroom

 8/10. Love the teal sink area; it’s super cute and very aesthetically pleasing. There are also hella stalls, which means I don’t have to wait in a super huge line. 

 I.V. Theater

 1/10 is very generous. The I.V. Theater restroom is possibly the worst restroom on campus. There are only two stalls, so the line is super long, and the hot water doesn’t work. I don’t trust a restroom with no hot water. 

The UCen bathroom

 So far this summer, every time I have washed my hands here, the sink area has been flooded. Where am I supposed to put my Hydro Flask? 6/10. 

SSMS

2/10. These are the LOUDEST toilets I have ever heard in my entire life. I’m talking about breaking-the-sound-barrier kind of loud. What is the point of such a loud flush? Who are we alerting? Will I be able to hear if the fire alarm goes off? Honestly, if I’m shitting in SSMS, I probably don’t care that much about my life anyway. 

Girvetz Hall

 Like everything else in Girvetz, the Girvetz restroom is covered in a thin layer of dust that you can’t rid yourself of, no matter how many times you wash your hands. 2/10, would only shit here if I absolutely had to. 

I hope you enjoyed my rankings, and I hope that you have found the perfect place to poop in peace. 

Christina refuses to take a shit in any of the science buildings.