ASPB implements X-ray technology at Extravaganza to prevent booze smuggling

Nexustentialism
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May 21, 2026 at 4:20 am by High Value Female

Madeline Bryce / Daily Nexus

In the past, Extravaganza has been the stomping ground of unruly underaged students looking to get wasted with their buddies. This year, the Associated Students Program Board had enough and implemented advanced security measures to prevent alcohol consumption.

These measures began in front of the entrance to Harder Stadium. Students were required to undergo Transportation Security Administration (TSA) metal detector scans in order to line up for entry. Students who were caught with alcohol at this stage were seen placed in shackles by Community Service Officers (CSOs). First-year history major Jennifer Wang was among them.

“I thought I could get away with the shooter-in-the-boot trick, but the metal cap on my New Am gave it away,” Wang said.

Wang is currently being held in a maximum security prison in Carpinteria.

“This is so unfair. All my friends got through the metal detector because they only drink warm vodka out of old plastic water bottles,” Wang said.

Beyond this initial measure, students were then subjected to random strip searches and anal probes. A shocking number of students were found to be hiding alcohol up their rectum.

“I shoved an entire Don Julio bottle up there. I was proud of myself, but I guess I was walking funny cause I got randomly searched and they found it,” Jeremy Spencer, a second-year physics major who is also being held in a maximum security correctional facility, explained.

The final screening was a mandatory X-ray for all seeking entry to Extravaganza. While most of the bad apples had been rooted out at this point, certain students were still caught with alcohol in some pretty unexpected places.

“You know, I thought I was so smart asking my surgeon to implant a Tito’s bottle in my chest during my rib surgery,” Abigail McConnell, a third-year biology major, remarked. She explained that at last year’s Extravaganza, she had been caught with liquor in her purse, so she knew she had to be bold if she wanted to sneak it in this year.

“It just sucks because now they are saying I’m gonna be hanged, drawn and quartered for trying to trick ASPB and the CSOs. Worst Extravaganza ever!” McConnell said.