Nicolas Brown-Corrada / Daily Nexus

Waves are being made today in Isla Vista, California as some of UC Santa Barbara’s most debaucherous delinquents have publicly announced their decision to restrict their alcohol consumption to the weekends. 

Andrew Volstead, a fifth-year communication major and President of the Gaucho Teetotalers Association (GTA), explained the rationale behind his groundbreaking decision.

“Contrary to popular belief, UCSB is a school, not just a place to get drunk. We have an academic reputation to uphold here,” Volstead stated at a rally on Del Playa Drive yesterday afternoon. “I know this is a big decision, and I don’t expect everyone to follow our lead. But we have to take a stand, and that starts today.”

Several students raised concerns as to the feasibility of only drinking on weekends. In an attempt to assuage their fears, GTA Board Member and second-year religious studies major Frances Willard laid out a simple program to help remind Gauchos when they can and can’t drink.

“What we’re asking for here is a gargantuan task, and it will take a concerted effort,” she said. “If you are to be a part of this movement, you can only drink on the weekends. That means Saturday and Sunday. You can also drink on Friday, since that’s basically the weekend. And Thursday night counts too, since that’s like Friday night for Friday. Plus, you can have a little bit as a pick-me-up on Monday if you really need it.”

Critics claimed that the GTA’s definition of the weekend was far too strict, and that it would be impossible to survive the long periods of sobriety in between. In response, Willard further clarified the association’s stance.

“Like I said, there will be ABSOLUTELY NO DRINKING on Tuesday or Wednesday,” she continued, “unless it’s like a really special occasion, maybe your birthday or your mom’s birthday or like a fun mixer or something like that.”

Some experts have called it a sign of the rise in conservatism among the younger generation.

Much of the UCSB community has expressed support for the movement. Most vocal among these have been the I.V. Wingstop employees and TAs for Thursday afternoon sections.

The main opponents of the GTA have been UCSB’s first year students. An astonishing 69.67% of the first-years surveyed declared that the Teetotaler’s demands are unreasonable and unrealistic. Other groups that have voiced opposition are the Associated Student Government of Santa Barbara City College and Snag Delivery drivers.

Stay tuned to Nexustentialism for more live updates on this unprecedented movement.

Don Juan Tenorio is suffering from alcohol withdrawals, which is normal.