Don Juan Tenorio

April 23, 2026

Wait dude I’m like so high right now

By Don Juan Tenorio

Ok waitttt my friend gave me a 5 mg edible dude im like actually so high it’s crazy like literally i cant even feel my face dude holy shit. Im totally zoinked dude its like not funny.

March 5, 2026

Heartwarming: Bullied UCSB student drags blow-up sex doll through I.V.

By Don Juan Tenorio

Avert your eyes: There’s a cuteness overload roaming the streets of Isla Vista!

February 26, 2026

Inspired! Frat boy shoves his dirty fingers in my mouth

By Don Juan Tenorio

Last weekend in Isla Vista was like a movie. And by movie I mean “‘Wuthering Heights’” (2026).

February 12, 2026

How to break up with your low-commitment, exclusive, no-labels situationship with benefits

By Don Juan Tenorio

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and with it often comes the realization that maybe you could be treating yourself better. Taken too many walks of shame recently? Maybe it’s time to ditch that stranger-turned-love...

February 5, 2026

UCSB Students Start Temperance Movement, Only Drink on Weekends

By Don Juan Tenorio

Waves are being made today in Isla Vista, California as some of UC Santa Barbara’s most debaucherous delinquents have publicly announced their decision to restrict their alcohol consumption to the weekends. 

November 20, 2025

Isla Vista residents react: Del Playa Drive washed into sea

By Don Juan Tenorio

After a week of heavy rainstorms and high winds around Southern California, very few communities were impacted more than Isla Vista, California. UC Santa Barbara's iconic Del Playa Drive was washed away out to sea on Nov...

November 6, 2025

Gone Sexual? 5 Strange Things Gavin Newsom Has Texted Me

By Don Juan Tenorio

With California’s special election approaching, state Democrats have gone on the campaign trail to pass Proposition 50 into law. Chief among these politicians has been California’s governor and full-time daddy Gavin ...