Juliet Becker / Daily Nexus

After a year of escalated Immigrations and Customs Enforcement activity under the second Trump administration, including what critics call violent and undemocratic enforcement tactics Immigrations and Customs Enforcement (I.C.E.) has announced that its abhorrent behavior will come to an end.

The reason? In fact, I.C.E. said that its decision traces back to our very own campus.

“I was scrolling through social media the other day when I saw that @ryan_beemer26 reposted an infographic on his Instagram story. It was a colorful square that simply said, ‘ICE, STOP.’ This was the clearest signal of resistance we’d seen,” United States Border Patrol commander-at-large Gregory Bovino said in a press conference on Monday. 

UC Santa Barbara fourth-year history major Ryan Beemer has been widely credited with stopping I.C.E. raids across America.

“There was Martin Luther King Jr., there was Cesar Chavez, there was Gloria Steinem, and now there’s me,” Beemer said. “Reposting that graphic was the best decision that I could have made. I’m so proud of myself.”

Fans were eager to know about Beemer’s motivation for his groundbreaking activism and begged to know how he had the courage to stand up against injustice.

“Honestly, I was initially just interested in fucking this liberal chick I met at Sandbar last week. I actually hid my story from a lot of my buddies when I posted it because I thought they would flame me for being soft. But I’m glad it found the right people, now I have hella bitches in my DMs,” Beemer said. 

Along with his romantic conquests, Beemer also noticed a tipping point in I.C.E.’s behavior that made his alarm bells ring.

“Once they started killing normal white people in Minnesota, I knew that I had to say something,” Beemer said.

Some community members expressed jealousy at Beemer’s success in Instagram activism.

“I posted about I.C.E., too — where’s my applause? I literally posted ‘IF YOU SUPPORT I.C.E., UNFOLLOW ME’ on my story last week so that people knew I was cool like that,” second-year political science major Kayla Orange said about her Instagram story that boasts over 400 viewers.

Local I.C.E. officials weighed in on the impact that Beemer had on the institution.

“Before, I wanted to use my extensive background in questionably legal gun use and 4chan-informed political ideology to kick out illegals and protect the homeland,” I.C.E. agent Grant Silva said. “But now, I really see how my work at I.C.E. can be bad. I think I’ll be a cop instead.”

Overall, Beemer’s heroism has been rewarded across the globe. Rumors of a 2026 Nobel Peace Prize have circulated on campus, as well as a (straight, don’t worry) cameo for Beemer in the second season of “Heated Rivalry.”

“I’m glad that I could help put a stop to the violence in our country. Once I saw that I.C.E. was getting people who looked like me, I realized that the situation was actually bad. This is your sign to speak up when something might affect you, and only you, specifically,” Beemer said.

Joseph R. Biden will post “Trump is bad” next!