Madeline Bryce/Daily Nexus

World peace was declared on Wednesday after UC Santa Barbara’s Associated Students passed a resolution to condemn war. Fearing they would become the next victim in a long list of global organizations toppled by UCSB Associated Students (A.S.), international governments rushed to respond to a resolution.

The resolution was long and complex, addressing every government, organization and terrorist groups involved in war at the moment. It called for a ceasefire everywhere and mandated that all funds currently being used for war must be redirected towards the A.S. Senate’s retreat budget.

Third-year political science major and A.S. Senator Abraham Jefferson III detailed the intensity of the situation room during the resolution’s passing.

“The room had a very heavy air. It was packed with the A.S. officials, reporters and personal caterers,” Jefferson said. “We knew that, the second we passed the resolution, something incredible would happen. When A.S. speaks, the world listens.”

Jefferson was right. Just minutes after the Senate passed the resolution, the White House responded in an emergency press conference.

“The United States Military has been disbanded,” White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt said. “We had plans to move forward with our attacks, but we did not know how serious the situation would be until UCSB A.S. said something. That’s when we know that we had gone too far.”

President Donald Trump took to social media platform X to express his gratitude for the A.S. intervention.

“Thank you, A.S. senators. The world would be LAWLESS and WAR-TORN without you. Thank you for using your students’ tuition to pass such MEANINGFUL resolutions,” Trump posted.

Despite their incredible triumph, A.S. did not do it alone. They made a special point to thank those who made their success possible.

“We used our retreat to the Four Seasons Resort Bora Bora to really think over the resolution. Our Nobu catering fed our bodies and our brains and allowed us to come to this conclusion. We are so thankful for the students of UCSD or whatever for their support of us,” Jefferson said. 

Joseph R. Biden has been silenced by A.S.