Nick Throgmorton/Daily Nexus

With the Associated Students elections on the horizon, candidates are taking part in the annual tradition of setting up campaign signs on campus. While the main goal of these signs is to gain supporters, candidates appear to be taking part in another competition: Ugliest Campaign Sign.

The instigator of this contest was the first candidate to set up their sign, second-year political science major Seth Quinn. Quinn, who is running for off-campus senator, set up a panel displaying “Seth for Senate” written in lagoon algae and bird shit. 

“My passion is leading the world, not artistic bullshit,” Quinn said. “I don’t have time to please the people with my sign when I’m literally saving their lives. These plebs are so ungrateful.” 

Other candidates followed Quinn’s lead and sought to make their signs equally appalling.

“I patterned my sign after the feelings of dread and despair,” third-year environmental studies major and Internal Vice President candidate Katherine Kim said. “Since no one knows or cares about [Associated Students (A.S.)] elections, I had to scare them with my sign into noticing me.”

Once more and more heinous signs popped up on campus, most notably in front of Storke Tower, students wanted to award those whose signs were the hardest to look at.

“One day, I was biking to class and I just thought, ‘Damn, these signs are so fucking ugly.’ Like, seriously, each one is somehow worse than the last,” second-year English major Ryan Lopez said. “I was honestly inspired by how terrible they were, and I knew I had to do something about it.”

After biking home from class with his eyes closed to avoid looking directly at the signs, Lopez rushed to make a new Instagram account with the handle @ugliestassigncomp69. The account features a Google Form in its bio where students can vote on which A.S. candidate’s sign is the ugliest.

“I voted for Madeline Green’s ‘Madeline for EVPSA’ sign because it really stuck with me. I had to talk about it in therapy after I saw it,” first-year economics and accounting major Ella Thomas said. “Her use of colors that somehow all clash so horribly with one another was inspiring. I definitely won’t be voting for her now.”

Along with the postponement of the A.S. elections, the contest results for the Ugliest Campaign Sign have also been delayed. 

“I want to leave some more time in case there are any other entries into the contest,” Lopez said. “Since anyone can make and put up signs now, apparently, I think we need to wait until the elections are complete to announce the official competition winner.”

Some students have questioned what the champion of the contest will win. Some have suggested a cash prize, a gift card or a free handjob. However, Lopez has collaborated with UC Santa Barbara to ensure that the winner will receive the best gift of all: not holding an A.S. position.

Joseph R. Biden will overthrow A.S. and be crowned king.