Fashion-forward I.V. landlord doesn’t want to fix plumbing

As Paris Fashion Week comes to a close, multiple brands have left quite an impression on their viewers. Matières Fécales — which literally translates to fecal matter — is a fashion house that has risen to prominence for their avant-garde aesthetics. In Isla Vista, a particular landlord has also been enamored by the maison de couture, though his tenants are not fond of his high-fashion mindset.

Richard Branston, the CEO of Palm Tree Properties, received complaints from tenants earlier this week about a distinctly pungent smell emanating from the toilets on his properties. Instead of dispatching a plumber to solve the issue, he wrote back via the renter’s portal: “it’s called eau de toilette read a fucking book.”

“After my bitch son made me watch ‘Ratatouille’ with him, I found a new sense of appreciation for French culture,” Branston said. “By the time Paris Fashion Week rolled around, I had already started chain-smoking those skinny European cigarettes! It was perfect timing!”

He added that while he was keeping up with all the fashion shows being put on, he stumbled across Matières Fécales’s viral show featuring their spring/summer 2027 collection, “THE NINETY NINE PERCENT,” which included pregnant models, representing motherhood.

“In one word? Hot,” Branston said.

As Branston dove deeper into the brand, he discovered their previous collections, particularly their fall/winter 2026 show centering around the rich elite.

“It was just so nice seeing people like me represented on the runway; usually we aren’t the target audience for high fashion” Branston reflected.

Residents at Palm Tree Properties have since reported that Branston now enters their apartments for inspections and repairs with a 100 dollar bill taped over his eyes.

“Matières Fécales means fecal matter in English. They use that name so no one buys their clothes for the brand name alone, but rather for the actual look of the clothes. That’s called integrity,” Branston said.

Branston also expressed that he resonates with their message, but his tenants don’t appreciate the way he interprets it.

“I resonate with fecal matter as well, because if your house doesn’t smell like poop, then you don’t know the triumphs and defeats, the epic highs and lows of Del Playa Living. That’s also integrity.” 

Branston is now involved in several lawsuits over the habitability of his properties.

High Value Female is happy IV is so fashionable.