Recent studies have shown that students at UC Santa Barbara are stopped by California Public Interest Research Group (CALPIRG) members about 50 times per week. As of late, the tag teaming efforts of the group have created an influx of student fear on campus; how far is too far?
While their tree-hugging cause is arguably noble and noted by many, CALPIRG members’ tendency to lurk around the library searching for their next victim has sparked concern in recent weeks. It’s safe to say that with Trump’s presidency, CALPIRG has begun to reach new heights.
During the inauguration, CALPIRG members were found sitting by Storke Tower, rocking back and forth and begging for pledges. With tears streaming down their faces, members tugged on the pant legs of their fellow peers, asking for their signatures.
Once Trump announced motives to “drill, baby, drill,” other members of the group decided to take a more psychological approach by chasing students around campus with a drill and clipboard in either hand.
Soon after Trump withdrew from the Paris Agreement, one member reportedly threatened to shove a straw down a student’s throat so they would understand what the turtles are going through. The victim, a second-year environmental studies major who wishes to remain anonymous, told sources, “I’ve never felt so scared. When she followed me into the bathroom with a handful of straws, I genuinely saw my life flash before my eyes.”
School officials have recommended taking extra precautions to avoid the Arbor walkway and other prominent CALPIRG haunts for the next month.
Julianne Long wants to save the turtles too, but remains on the run from CALPIRG until further notice.