For any Gaucho, running the gauntlet that is the Arbor walkway is an arduous, unavoidable and annoying-as-fuck task. While every day at the Arbor feels like it offers a new crop of tablers there to make you feel awkward, the seasoned Arbor frequenter knows that some returning characters make the walkway worth visiting.

  1. The Epoch Times guy

Do you ever want to go about your day without being shouted at by a middle-aged conservative man who wants attention? Well, I’m sorry to report that today, the guy from the Epoch Times is on campus. He’ll debate you about anything and will do everything he can to reel you in. He’s old, he’s creepy and he’s angrier than thou. We’re all awaiting his return in the fall to recruit spunky new journalists.


An Arbor classic, the “most aggressive, terrifying and unavoidable” award goes to CALPIRG with their thousands of tablers and clipboards. I heard they can smell fear. “Do you care about climate change?” No, bitch! Let me go! Nevertheless, CALPIRG persists, despite their terrible reputation and weird, nerdy army. Give me my 10 dollars back!

  1. Turning Point USA

Nobody looks camp straight in the eye in the Arbor walkway like Charlie Kirk’s sweethearts, the TPUSA idiots. Such iconic signs as “Why so socialist?” light up campus and rival even Nexustentialism in comedic genius. Being a self-declared white supremacist at UCSB is definitely a brave choice, making TPUSA perhaps the bravest Arbor warriors. The quiet majority is certainly looking pretty loud and tiny!

Oh, Arbor characters, how we will miss you over the summer.

Joseph R. Biden says you either die getting harassed in the Arbor or you live long enough to see yourself harass passers by in the Arbor.