Meel F. Lover / Daily Nexus

Well, here it is everyone! This is what happens when the straw finally breaks the camel’s back. I’ve fucking had it, and I’m not holding back anymore. Since nobody else seems to care, I’ve taken it upon myself to release the top five evilest, conniving, miserable bitches. 

5: The Duck Couple

We fucking get it! You are in love or whatever, but you don’t have to rub it in everyone else’s face. Really fucking sick of seeing these ducks waddling around together, sneering at every lonely bitch they see walking. At least we have fucking thumbs, you whores.

4: The girl who asked for the word count in section

Are you fucking kidding me? I was literally planning on writing like one fucking paragraph in response until your ass had to ask what the word count was. Now I have to write 500 words. Do I look like the type of bitch that can write 500 words?! Absolutely not, plus I just got my nails done, so I can hardly type already. Not like you even care, bitch.

3: The asshole who took my seat in section

I bet you think you are so smart for stealing my seat. Maybe stealing the sexiest girl’s seat will make people care when you raise your hand for the seventh time in a 50-minute section. News flash, whore: Only I look good in my seat, the lighting makes you look all washed out. Don’t bother coming back to section, skank.

2: The dining hall employees that actually stop me from taking out desserts

I hope you understand the trials that you assholes have put me through. I pay like $13 a meal even though the food in the dining hall is barely edible these days. Even still, you have the insane level of audacity to stop me as I leave with two pieces of fucking bread instead of one. I hope your food always tastes stale and that you always smell like farts, you useless bitch.

1: Sierra Vakili, Nexustentialism editor

I’m fucking seething with rage as I write this. Sierra is supposed to be “in charge” and yet comes late to every fucking meeting. And that’s if she even shows up. I only get paid $10 to write my hilarious ass articles every week, and she earns like a million dollars for publishing my work. It is just total and complete bullshit, and not only that, she doesn’t even like me. She smiles or whatever when I walk in the room, but you can tell she doesn’t mean it. Bitch.

There you have it, Gauchos, a list of people for you to give the nastiest look you can muster. I hope that for your sake, you never have to deal with any of these people nearly as much as I do. Hopefully when these people see this list, they might rethink their lives and stop being such fake fucking bitches. One can only hope!

Fart Tent wants every guy to know that she’s nothing like these girls, haha.