Dear AJ, My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a month (we had been friends since the start of Fall Quarter). I have a feeling that he’s about to say “I love you” soon. He goes on long rants about things he loves about me but stops just short of saying “I love you.” Unfortunately, I don’t feel the same way. I think I could love him if I had more time, but I don’t want it to affect our relationship if I don’t say “I love you” back in that moment. Do I lie or tell the truth?
Coming to this point in a relationship is difficult when the feelings aren’t completely mutual especially when you’re anticipating unreciprocated feelings. There isn’t a strict timeline in terms of a relationship, but I would say that one month is a relatively short period of time to expect someone to be sure of love. I definitely don’t think you should tell him you love him until that is the way you feel, and I think lying to him would hurt him more than anything. But to that end you shouldn’t feel like you have a reason to lie. It is 100 percent okay not to be experiencing those feelings yet, the important thing to let him know is that you do really care about him and although you don’t love him, it isn’t a matter of your relationship but a matter of time. We all develop and experience feelings differently and there is no reason for him to be hurt that you don’t have the exact same timeline as him.
Hi AJ – my boyfriend is trying to grow a beard, and it’s not looking too good. How do I tell him to shave it without coming across as too mean?
How invested in this beard is your boyfriend? I feel like once guys get to the age where they can grow a beard, patchy or not, it’s some semblance of manhood for them. Regardless you could just straight up tell him a beard is not the move. Some guys will be offended, but you could remind them it’s probably better for their wellbeing (and yours). If you think he’ll be really offended you could take the angle of telling him how good he looks clean shaven or with stubble. That way it’s not really negatively directed.
How do I get my boyfriend to eat my ass?
Eating ass… that’s a tricky one. It’s definitely one of those things you’ve gotta go all in for. Personally, I think if you want your ass eaten, honesty is the best policy. I don’t think there is any way to subtly discuss this topic, not that you should discuss any aspect of your romantic relationships subtly. Because you are dating this person, I think it’s important for your boyfriend to know how much it’s something you want to explore because unless you’re in a polyamorous relationship, no one else but your boyfriend should be eating your ass. Also, give your boyfriend sometime to think it over. He may say no at first and then eventually come around to the idea after you talk about it some more. Don’t give up and keep that toosh clean!
Will you marry me?
Take me on a date first and we’ll see.
I am having trouble finding a balance between going out and staying in. My friends go out five nights a week and I feel lame when I stay in (also #fomo) what should I do?
I definitely struggled with this when I came to college and I think a lot of students do as well. Personally, I think it is really important to establish what your priorities are. In the back of my mind I constantly remind myself why I came to college and that it is a privilege to be here. Academics are extremely important, and you have to really know yourself and what you need in order to feel successful. That being said, there is more to college than hitting the books.
For many people, coming to college is the first time they truly have any sort of independence. To some extent, you could be doing whatever the hell you’d like. While that does sound a little extreme, it’s definitely something to take advantage of. Right now I would say your lifestyle and your body are at a point where they can handle the extremes. However, going out five nights a week really isn’t sustainable for many people. I think going out that much is something to try for a short period of time, but after awhile I do think you could get bored among other things. Also, FOMO is for sure real, but more likely than not when you go out you’ll be going to the same types of parties with the same people listening to the same music drinking the same shitty Vitali and that’s nothing to sweat over missing out on.
Going out is important, but like you’re saying, balance is key. I would pick two to three nights a week to go out on so you get your time to have fun, but also know you’ll be able to handle your workload. And always remember: TREAT YO SELF!
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